合い言葉GG
by mhara21
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☆マサコのプロフィール
13才のときにグレン・グールドのピアノに 出会う。以来抱き続けたグールドに会うという夢を追って28才でカナダへ。後追い日記はその記録である。
属性はシャーマン。


☆ミクシに習って、ぬさんからの紹介状
不在の幻影から愛するひとを救い出し、グーグルキャッシュの中に愛のエクリチュールを刻印しつづける、GGの恋人。二人はもう触れあうことができないが故に永遠に惹き付けあうことができる、まるで恒星と惑星の関係のような、あらゆる恋人が夢見るユートピアに住むひとです。


☆このブログの本拠地は
 海峡web版  です。

グールド、並びにグールド家からのプレゼントはこちら。

 グールドのサイン入りレコード
 もう1つのレコード
 グールドの本とそのメモ書き
 パパグールドさんのご本

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タグ:English 1982 ( 16 ) タグの人気記事

Diary Entry 1982-2:Seeing Gould

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.


#Seeing Gould

I went with Sandra to some gathering and chatted with women there. As always, I talked about Gould. One of them said something that quite surprised me.
 
b0071688_21255451.jpg

“You’re talking about Mr Gould? He lives in the same apartment building as I!
“Really? Where?”
“St. Clair Avenue 110.”

Before the lessons next evening, I went to St. Clair Avenue.
I arrived to the apartment building from the west side. Just when I arrived, a big car suddenly appeared from a bit eastern to the building and came out on the south. The car stopped to let other cars pass in order to merge into the street traffic. The driver was dressed completely in black.

Oh, my god, It’s Gould!
I want to run up to his car and open the door. However, I’m not even able to lift my hand and wave at him. I just watch after the car that is changing direction and disappearing down the Avenue Road, chanting the gratitude in my heart over and over again like sutra, “Thank you so much for playing Beethoven Concerto for us!”

The Gould I saw seemed to be in a bad temper and was astonishingly different from the person I know from pictures. Anyone who saw Gould in this period said, “He grew shockingly thin and haggard-looking.” His body must have reached its physical limits.
All Gould’s portraits from his later years wear the shadow of death. To those who knew Gould while he was young and beautiful, his looks, changed due to his dependence on medicines, were “strange yet mysterious” and gave away an odd feeling.

This was my only real meting with Gould. Nine months later he died of a stroke as if he were acting out “death”. That is when my communication with his spirit started. For me, Gould’s death was a deciding meeting, the beginning of our conversation.

b0071688_21255750.jpg
When I got home that night I immediately called Francis from Southwood Drive to tell her the exciting news.
“I saw Gould!”
“Where?”
“He was driving on Saint Clair Avenue!”
“What was he driving?”
“A big, black car.”
“Lincoln Continental. Yeah, that was definitely him!” Francis confirmed to me.

Translated by Saiko




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[PR]
by mhara21 | 2018-07-21 12:00 | 後追い日記82年 | Comments(0)

Diary Entry 1982-1:The New Accommodation

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.
b0071688_21231145.png

#The New Accommodation

The new place I moved to was a warm loft room. My new landlords were a man prone to illness, his wife who had a heavy case of lumbago and their daughter Sandra. On the underground floor there were a bathroom and a toilet, and the whole second floor was leased out to a young married couple. On the third floor there were two rooms. On the east side was Sandra’s room, and the room facing the west side street was my room.
It was very easy for me to attend the high school English language classes from here.

Unlike Japan where we use gas, every cooking stove I saw in Canada was electric. I don’t know where they generate electric power, but it seems they have abundant supply from Niagara.

Three days after moving in I was making curry in the kitchen, planning to take it to a friend of mine who got sick. I didn’t know well the difference between the strongest and the weakest heat, so I put the pot on the weakest and sat there reading a book. When I noticed I had chosen a wrong heat level and was about to fix it, the landlady entered the kitchen.
“What on earth are you doing? You’ve been in the kitchen for too long!”
“I chose a wrong heat level for curry. I want to take some to a friend of mine who is sick.”
“Don’t use my electricity for your friends. Make food at their place.”

I never trusted the landlady after this incident, nor did I ever let my guard down around her. She came to like me afterwards, finding me to be “a nice and smart person”. She told me I could marry her middle-aged son, but I refused.

My landlady utterly detested her husband. I guess it was because she had had no control over her life, marrying a man who was poor and giving birth to as many as 7 children.

“Men are always out, having fun. They don’t care that the wife suffers because she doesn’t have enough money for the house.
Wife’s needs are ignored and she is just trampled on,” she would spit out angrily. She spoke English with a strong Chinese accent. Sandra criticised her parents’ behaviour in front of me, a person who just recently came to live in their house, “They could at least pretend to be in good relations in front of other people!”

I could see that the relationship between people in this family was complicated. The atmosphere in the house was somehow gloomy and oppressive.


Translated by Saiko



Japanese version of this page・後追い日記82年1・新しい下宿


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by mhara21 | 2018-07-10 00:00 | 後追い日記82年 | Comments(0)

Diary Entry 1982-37 : Golden Ball

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.

b0071688_12133877.jpg

There is one more reason why I continued playing the piano after Gould’s death. In the winter of my sixteenth year I suffered such physical pains that I could not even take a moment’s sleep. My face, inside of my mouth and my teeth hurt most. I was being told that rheumatism had gripped my whole body or that I had trigeminal neuralgia, but what my pains actually were – they were the suffering of deceased people. I was assumed by the cries of their spirits.

Every night while I cried I would hear Bach’s Goldberg Variations Aria. Its sounds would come to me every evening at the same hour, together with some kind of a god. And then, that spiritual being told me “You will recover from your illness. When you turn 50 or 60, you will play the piano and pass something to the next generation.”

When I was seventeen I read Nietzsche’s “Thus Spoke Zarathustra”. This coincided with something that happened when I was 16. I had an experience of seeing the sun before dawn with the hermit who appears in this Nietzsche’s work. That is when I became a fan of Nietzsche’s, endeavoring in my heart to fulfill the promise I made when I was 16: “One day, surely…” I am not sure how to translate this paragraph

After Gould’s death, my guiding principle became “Zarathustra”.

“Verily, a goal had Zarathustra; he threw his ball. Now be ye friends the heirs of my goal; to you throw I the golden ball.
Best of all, do I see you, my friends, throw the golden ball! And so tarry I still a little while on the earth – pardon me for it! “ (excerpt from Zarathustra’s “Free Death”, translated by Thomas Common, Dover Publications Inc.)

For me, this “golden ball” is the very Goldberg (Variations) Aria given to me by Zarathustra at the end of my 16th year.

I wanted to know what Gould had to say about Nietzsche. In such a case it would be best to ask the said person for their opinion. However, I do not go ahead and put questions forward by myself. Even when I hear voices of deceased people, I do my best not to get involved in their conversation. Because I don’t want to be led by the nose by invisible voices.

However, I do not hesitate to say to people around me about Gould’s visits.
“Does Gould speak in English or in Japanese?”
“When I understand him, in my mind his words are in Japanese.”

“Does he ever enter your body and plays the piano?”
“Gould is a sensible person, so he doesn’t do such things.”

People react differently to this. Some exasperatedly say “Hmph!” Some give a wry smile, or make a perplexed expression.
There are some who say: “Well, you thought of him so much, something was bound to happen.”

                                             Tranlated by Saiko

Next page : Diary Entry 1983-1 :

Japanese version of this page : 1982年37 金のボール




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by mhara21 | 2017-02-28 00:00 | 後追い日記82年 | Comments(0)

Diary Entry 1982-36 : Catch-up Diary

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.

b0071688_17242631.jpg
# November

People are really egoistic things. Several months ago I thought I would be happy if only I could daily practice the piano. I got my long-coveted visa. Even that Gould spoke to me.
Even though my daily life has arranged well, I cannot sit back and relax, and my heart is crackling. Whereas I want to be somewhere within 80 percent in all I do, my way of doing things seems to be straining too hard while counting backwards from the wanted results.

I can compare myself to a person on the margins who once didn’t even have money to buy a plant pot, and who enjoyed at leisure growing her flowers from buds, planting her music seeds in an empty can and raising them in the back alley. Suddenly that person gets thrust into a music factory, working hard but restlessly on the production of music. I also feel stress due to the lack of language talent.

My bohemian troubles have gone, and it was important to get used to the student life.
The lack of humidity in Toronto is a marvel. I remember all that Japanese humidity. I am able to practice because this region is dry.

“It makes me happy when you are playing the piano. You are a good and specially person.”
“What are you crying about now? Which is a suitable prelude for this temperament? Which number do you want to play?”

I feel weird because I can talk with him so much.
I used to be very susceptible to being possessed by the spirits of others. Such life is a very hard one, so now I negate Gould’s visits. Among the spiritualists there are those who communicate their own words as if they were god’s words or words from families of the deceased people. Therefore, whatever I would hear would frighten me greatly.


Japanese version of this page : 後追い日記82年36 ・11月


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[PR]
by mhara21 | 2017-02-15 00:00 | 後追い日記82年 | Comments(0)

Diary Entry 1982-35 : Conversation with Gould (part 2)

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.

b0071688_16510233.jpg
# October 16

Gould: “You are a really strange person, Mako.
If I would show up before someone else, I can imagine what that person
would say.
For example, “Enter my body and play the piano, please,” or something
like that…

However, you tell me ‘I am going to my piano lesson now. Please, don’t
laugh at my lousy playing. I don’t want to be startled in the middle of
my playing.’ Neither do you say, ‘My arm hurts, could you fix it for me
please?’  That is, you are a person who finds it difficult to ask favors
from others.”

Masako: “Well, it’s just that nothing occurs to me to ask for.”

Gould, “Also, an ordinary person would ask me to help them get their
hands on a part of my vast wealth. You don’t ask for that either.”

M
asako, “I have no financial troubles. I can’t get rid of my wasteful
spending, though. That is my problem.
I am too preoccupied with my harmony lessons or history test to think
up favours to ask of you.”

G
ould, “You do have talent for piano, Mako. However, your piano tests will
end in two years. Maybe it is not a good thing to tell you now, because
you may become disillusioned, but the piano you are so wholeheartedly
practicing at the moment will not really take up a great part of your life
in the future. To make an analogy, it would be just a tip of your little finger.
You will become a woman who will actually actively try her talents in many
different areas. Furthermore, completely unintentionally, you have been
saving deceased people.

You are sacrificing you own body in order to help those souls who can’t
sort out their feelings even after their death. 
Why are you always worrying that you might get ill and not be able to go
to school?
Actually, I used to be like you. I couldn’t look at your worrying face any
longer, so I came to speak to you. To tell you, you must not trouble
yourself too much.
The young man you are now fretting over so much is not actually a good
person. However, you are saving many spirits without recognizing it
during these busy days of yours. Looking at the living from this side, I
see many things I had not been able to see before. It was better that way.
Now I know there are virtually no people who can understand you.
I am having a nice time because you are here. When I send signals or try
to speak to my friends and acquaintances, they don’t notice me. I did
believe there were such special people like you. And then I ran into you.
Someday, you will write about your spiritual meetings with me! 
I am praying for your happiness.
Life is a wonder, but there are many wonders after one dies as well.
For example, I can learn almost anything I want to know about you. I can
see images of what you did lately in Niagara, or even what your parents
did many years ago. And I can also see your future. I can see much deeper
into people’s hearts now then than when I was alive, or better to say when
my body belonged to this world. I can say I can see so deep into people’s
hearts that I get disgusted with it all. 

I feel sorry for you when I hear you moaning in pain. But you quickly
switch your thoughts from your aching body to something else. That is
why you are managing so well. I know that because, after all, I had lived
my life like that too.


M
asako, “Mr. Gould, you always say interesting things to me. Thank you.
I believe you had had a free and happy life.
Now that you’ve liberated yourself from the imprisonment of your
corporeal body, I guess you became even freer.
The souls who come to me are mostly those of people with heavy and
bitter feelings. Many of them were victims of other people’s sins and
crimes, so they are under oppression and their bodies are scarred.
There are many who committed suicide, too. When a soul comes to me,
my body convulses, it hurts, I feel nauseated, and there is absolutely
nothing good about it. I suddenly find myself hating the world, or being
unhappy and distressed. However, this happens even if there is no other
soul in me. I have a feeling I have lived 80 or 90 percent of my life in
such misery.


I wanted to tell him “If you are really with me all the time, why don’t
you hold my hand and walk with me?” but I could not feel his presence
anymore.

Maybe Gould transformed into energy that is like the splendid music
he
used to perform.

Translated by Saiko


b0071688_16523452.jpg



Previous page : Diary Entry 1982-34 : Catch-up Diary・An Intermission
Next page : Diary Entry 1982-36 : Catch-up Diary Novenber

Japanese version of this page : 後追い日記82年35・10月14日の会話




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[PR]
by mhara21 | 2017-01-28 09:11 | 後追い日記82年

Diary Entry 1982-34 : Catch-up Diary・An Intermission

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.

b0071688_1924189.jpg

# An Intermission

It is July 23, 1998.

While I was writing my catch-up diary, it occurred to me I hadn’t made an offering to Gould of anything else but the coffee leftovers. I hastily made some black Jacaranda coffee from a Malaysian village of Bukit Merah as an offering for him, and an ice coffee for me.

I thought I heard him say: “Mako, I am happy your life at long last became so tranquil that you can finally make me an offering of a coffee.”

It takes certain courage to actually write down Gould’s words.

Since April 1991 – I was learning Korean hangul at that point – I hadn’t managed to make a contact with him.

When I was about to write my catch-up diary, I thought I would not be able to speak with him as before, and I tried to contact his spirit a number of times.

However, I would just get sleepy as a result.

Remembering Swedenborg who worked while slumbering, I decided to go to sleep in case I could hear Gould in my dreams.

Thirty years ago, almost no information about Gould travelled to Japan.
However, I know even the name of a woman he had been dating at the time.

There is a great number of books now in which fans from different countries wrote their feelings for and memories of Gould.
Among them is a person who can see colours in Scriabin’s sonata performed by Gould.

There is a person who points at the contradiction between Gould as “the last puritan” and his performances that dazzle our senses.

There are also swarms of people who claim that the gods who visited Gould were the same gods that visited Hölderlin.

The first scholar in Japan who conducted a research about Gould was a young Gould’s fan, Miyazawa Jun’ichi.

My feelings towards Gould are not those of love, but of a selfish infatuation.
I just want to say that, like a kawara nadeshiko(*) that is nothing but a yamato nadeshiko(**), there is a person here who remembers and thinks of Gould as well.



* kawara nadeshiko (Lat. Dianthus superbus), in Japan, one of seven autumn flowers.
Kawara means river banks. Therefore this wild flower stands for an ordinary common being.

**Yamato nadeshiko (Dianthus superbus longicalycinus) is metaphorically associated with traditional, idealized feminine beauty in Japanese culture.

* kawara nadeshiko
b0071688_21414190.jpg

b0071688_21415178.jpg
photos by Qwert1234 (from wiki)

Translated by Saiko  



Japanese version of this page : 後追い日記82年34・休憩


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[PR]
by mhara21 | 2016-10-16 00:00 | 後追い日記82年 | Comments(0)

Program of "In Memoriam Glenn Gould "October 15,1982

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.

Top 
b0071688_221218.jpg

p.1
b0071688_22122083.jpg

・前奏として「バッハの前奏曲とフーガロ短調BWV544 」
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3qWqAD3EA0 

・家族並びに司祭館の入場に合わせて参列者起立して歌う
・讃美歌「神への賛美」(詩編第百編)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mj9w7IUQ5AU

p.2
b0071688_22123042.jpg

・開会挨拶
・独唱 ブラーム作曲 モテットop110-1「されど我は惨めなる者」

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6W3QFQ3DO4

・詩編150編 朗読
・独唱 バッハ作曲 モテットBWV227-3「イエスよ、わが喜び」

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4SKrGYMp7A

・伝道の書第44章1-9 朗読
・フルート演奏 バッハ作曲 フルートソナタBWV1020から「アレグロ」

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EN2dfenkEAw

・マタイによる福音書第6章25−34 朗読

p.3
b0071688_22124338.jpg

・独唱 バッハ作曲マタイ受難BWV244から「主よ、憐れみ給え」
         Kathleen Ferrierの歌声をyoutubeからどうぞ。。。

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VL4qmyAo8W0

・献辞 
・弦楽四重奏 ベートーヴェン作曲弦楽四重奏曲第13番第5楽章「カヴァティーナ」op130

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oO1ianfHOyk

・祈祷
・讃美歌 「Now Thank We ALL Our God」

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z2_JLqOjNY

p.4
b0071688_22125517.jpg

・祝祷
・ゴルトベルク変奏曲から「アリア・ダ・カーポ」

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I95v2Gi1fms

-----------------------------------------------
・司式関係者(聖ミカエル合唱団監督神父、英国国教会曲牧師、
     救世主教会牧師、ユダヤ教ラビ、救世軍大尉)

p.5
b0071688_2213886.jpg

・賛助演奏者
・セント・ポール英国国教会への謝辞
・グレン・グールド記念基金はトロント大学音楽部学長へ



さすがのグールドさん。
キリスト教(カトリック、英国国教会、プロテスタント、救世軍)にユダヤ教のラビまでが司式に。。。。
彼の音楽の元、みんなが感謝の思いを一つにした追悼式だったのですね。


Tranlated by Saiko

Previous page of diary : Diary Entry 1982-33 : October 14th
Next page of diary : Diary Entry 1982-34 : Catch-up Diary・An Intermission


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[PR]
by mhara21 | 2016-10-15 00:00 | 後追い日記82年 | Comments(0)

Diary Entry 1982-33 : October 14th

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.

b0071688_1235480.jpg


# October 14th

Gould has been here the whole day today as well.
All the time, everywhere, we are together.
He has been observing me steadily, and as I am standing in the shower
taking my last shirt off, I am wondering if he would still be standing
there even when I am naked.

There is nothing in particular happening between us, and he looks happy like
a father watching over his newborn child.

Gould looks much younger and happier than when I saw him in
January this year.

I guess the Akashic records, the mother computer of the entire
universe, contains the record of Gould’s and my past as well.

In my free time I was watching the setting sun from my bed.
I was imagining, “If only now Gould’s black car would stop here.”

This imagination may have been caused by that unique energy of the
universe.
Why is this awkward thing happening now when I finally got hold of
a decent student life?

I wrote down what I heard last night.
I don’t think this is something I can tell other people.

During the last lesson I saw him in the air, engulfed in laughter.
“I don’t want you to enter my body and play the piano.”
I was sad because for a long time my piano practice hadn’t been proceeding
as I hoped it would.
I want to develop my skills as far as possible by my own efforts.

Translated by Saiko




Japanese version of this page : 後追い日記82年33・マコの日記


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[PR]
by mhara21 | 2016-10-14 00:00 | 後追い日記82年 | Comments(0)

Diary Entry 1982-32 : Conversation with Gould (part1)

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.
b0071688_21463631.jpg
# October 8

The Beginning

Gould :
“Yes! It’s me. Hello! You noticed me after all. I trusted you would.
I’ve been so excited ever since I came over here. I am satisfied
because telepathy and spiritual world are as I believed them to be.

Also, I am so grateful that my last moments in this world were
quite sudden.
Just imagine… me... a person who hated people touching me,
living prostrated in a hospital bed. I am more free now than I was
when I was alive. It was so liberating to discard that broken body
of mine that I had tried to control with medicines.
I’ve received heartfelt messages from people all over the world.”

Masako:
“Mr. Gould, thank you. There are no words to express how much
encouragement I received through your music.
I hope with all my heart you will rest peacefully in paradise.”

G as Gould :
“More people than I imagined is bearing me in their mind. I was happy
while I was alive, but I am happy now that I left the Earth as well.
I can go now wherever I want to. A moment ago I thought about
my house in Southwood.
That moment I found myself in my living room. There was a phone call
from you from the conservatory.
I remembered then I heard about you from my father.
I was not much interested in you, but I signed 5 records and sent them.

It was so much fun watching you. You were heartily talking about
Nietzsche, is that right?”

M as Masako:
“I am afraid I was thinking about you too much and that my thoughts
may have killed you.”

G: “Oh, no, not at all. Love can never hurt people.”

M: “I can’t call these feelings love.”

And so went this strange exchange.

G: “I thought you a nice person,” he said.

“But it seems you’re not happy at all about me trying to contact you.
At times you would pretend you couldn’t hear me, and at times you
would shake your head. Why is that? I thought you would be happier.

I decided to follow you after you went back to the conservatory to practice.
It is vexing to see you lamenting my death as if “the sun would never shine
on Toronto again” even though I’m by your side like this…

You’re coming to my memorial service on the 15th, right? I am deeply
happy you are thinking of me. ”

b0071688_21512723.jpg
b0071688_21472422.jpg
b0071688_21562026.jpg


G: “Sorry, but follow me till your house. I want someone to talk to.
And you are the only one who can hear my voice.”

M: “Mr. Gould – if you are really Mr. Gould – thank you for coming to me.
However, I do not appreciate being made fun of by a spirit. I have a feeling
as if some lonely soul who has no one to tend its grave is impersonating
Gould and is saying half-truths.

I know from your records and the TV that you speak quickly.
However, that also can be imitated, isn’t that right?
I am sorry but I am very tired. Would you mind coming to meet me
again tomorrow?”



This is how Gould’s and my relationship started.
For a while, Gould’s glittering soul watched out for my life with love and affection.

However, this was a period of abrupt and radical change in my life
since becoming a student at the conservatory of music.

These conversation was a burden for me now that I was absorbed in my studies.
I have felt Gould’s warmth since I heard his first record.
And now that he is coming in the form of a spirit, I still feel his presence as “warmth”.

When I went to bed in the evening, I tried and asked him:

“Mr. Gould, were you used to like coffee? I can leave you some of mine when I am drinking it, if you’d like.”

What a meager and rude offering for the repose of his soul it was,
but that much I could manage. I think I gave such a strange suggestion
because he was an easy-going person and I managed to loosen up
around him.

From then onward, whenever I drank coffee, I would always leave
some and offer it to Gould. And ordinary soul would maybe get angry,
saying, “Don’t make a fool of me!” But Gould was kind and tolerant.

Translated by Saiko


Previous page of diary : Diary Entry 1982-31 : October 8
Next page : Diary Entry 1982-33 : October 14

Japanese version of this page : 1982年32・グールドの言葉その1 はじまり



You can see the program of "In Memoriam Glenn Gould "
            ↓  
Program of "In Memoriam Glenn Gould "Oct.15,1982  








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[PR]
by mhara21 | 2016-10-09 00:00 | 後追い日記82年 | Comments(0)

Canadian news articles about Gould’s death

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.


There were a number of news reports about Gould’s death in Canada at the time. I decided to upload them here.

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                           Tranlated by Saiko


Previous page : Diary Entry 1982-31 : October 8
[PR]
by mhara21 | 2016-10-08 12:00 | 後追い日記82年 | Comments(0)