合い言葉GG
by mhara21
検索
☆マサコのプロフィール
13才のときにグレン・グールドのピアノに 出会う。以来抱き続けたグールドに会うという夢を追って28才でカナダへ。後追い日記はその記録である。
属性はシャーマン。


☆ミクシに習って、ぬさんからの紹介状
不在の幻影から愛するひとを救い出し、グーグルキャッシュの中に愛のエクリチュールを刻印しつづける、GGの恋人。二人はもう触れあうことができないが故に永遠に惹き付けあうことができる、まるで恒星と惑星の関係のような、あらゆる恋人が夢見るユートピアに住むひとです。


☆このブログの本拠地は
 海峡web版  です。

グールド、並びにグールド家からのプレゼントはこちら。

 グールドのサイン入りレコード
 もう1つのレコード
 グールドの本とそのメモ書き
 パパグールドさんのご本

☆グールドおよび後追い日記に関係のないトラックバックやコメントは削除する場合があります。
カテゴリ
全体
後追い日記81年
後追い日記82年
後追い日記83年
後追い日記84年
後追い日記85年
後追い日記86年
後追い日記87年
グールドからのプレゼント
グールドへのメール
エッセイ
ゴルトベルクをめぐる
グ−ルド・レストラン
8月のゴルトベルク
グ−ルドとエクスタシー
田中希代子
未分類
タグ
(94)
(56)
(32)
(26)
(14)
(13)
(12)
(10)
(8)
(4)
(3)
(3)
(2)
(2)
(1)
フォロー中のブログ
海峡web版
記事ランキング
最新のコメント
a ghost ? お母..
by grpspica at 21:05
こんな文章を書いて誰もわ..
by grpspica at 06:56
せっかくコメントを書いた..
by grpspica at 12:37
田中希代子さんのファンは..
by grpspica at 10:59
バレンボイムが、[ アル..
by grpspica at 10:54
以前の記事
2017年 12月
2017年 11月
2017年 10月
2017年 09月
2017年 08月
2017年 07月
2017年 06月
2017年 05月
2017年 02月
2017年 01月
more...


Diary Entry 1981-2 : To Vancouver !

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.

b0071688_19025264.jpg

# To Vancouver!

I am finally breaking away from Japan. Japanese society is oppressive, and I haven’t been able to find my place in it. I don’t perceive myself as a “Japanese”. I have never managed to “become a member of society” in this country.

And now, “This useless garbage is leaving for Canada!”
I was born in 1952, and raised in Japan. As such, I can’t even imagine the chaos of war and government oppression that once pervaded my country.


In 1998, the number of truant elementary school children in Japan rose above a hundred thousand. I went to school until the 5th grade and then I stopped attending it. But I never had problems because of the lack of schooling. This is because I never had to write a CV for a job application or a family chart and personal history for a formal marriage interview, owing to the fact that I never had to worry whether I’d be able to provide food on my table.

Even though I’m 28, I am really like a small girl. When my life turned into the fight against illness, I made a habit of withdrawing into my own world. I’d lived without facing any of the real world’s hardships、 focusing solely on my own body.

When I was 22, I was taken to madness of loosing my sight and my hearing. I was in a world of darkness, in which my whole body had been benumbed and I constantly suffered from flatulence. In my despair I even considered suicide. On windy days or before rain, my body hurt so much I’d want to die. I asked myself if there was any good from me living in this world.

The world I live in is a special world between “this world” (sag) and “the next world” (navyug). My parents left me in care of a spiritualist once, and she told me then, “With so many spirits coming to you, you will never be able to lead a life free of suffering.”

Like Prince Chagum, I myself have an experience of turning into a pure spirit and flying to spirit world. I swear the person who led me the way was the very same “Zarathustra” of Nietzsche’s.

The misery of carrying the weight of not only the suffering of people of this world, but that of people of the next world too is expressed in music of Robert Schumann. That is why I love Schumann.


I am a synaesthete, like Vladimir Nabokov. Synaesthetes are people whose senses of sight, hearing, touch, smell, taste are jumbled together. Those with such ability often have extraordinary faculty of memory. What is characteristic for synaesthetes is that their perception of time is different from other people.

Nabokov, Rimbaud, Proust, Joyce, Scriabin and Richter were all synaesthetes. When a synaesthete hears a sound, they also feel colours, shapes, scents and tactile sensations. When they feel a sound, synaesthetes can express its colour.
“I don’t like the sound of Wilhelm Backhaus’ music because it is brown.”
“I dislike Claudio Arrau’s music because it feels hot.”
I personally am quite fascinated by G major. This is because I love the temperature of pastel colours, which is neither hot nor cold, and because I don’t like sounds that remind of thick colour.

I think Nietzsche – though I do love him – would not be able to understand me. That is why I envy Nijinsky (a ballet dancer) who claimed, “I trust Nietzsche can understand me.” However, I believe Nabokov could understand me.

I wonder if Gould will really be able to accept me. I wonder if the day will come in Canada when my longtime hopes get through to him.


I am thinking about my uncle who died in the Pacific War. There are those who have to die even though they don’t want to die. My uncle, who was a geologist, was good at piano. He played Beethoven’s sonatas the morning he went to the front. He was conscripted as a civilian in military employ. He died one year and four months later when, at midnight on the 1st of April 1945, the Awa Maru that was on its way back home to Japan was attacked and sunk by an American submarine off the coast of Taiwan. He was 28 years and six months old at the time.

Both my uncle and I were born in September in the Year of the Dragon. My uncle loved music, and he left that love in this world before dying. Honouring those feelings is one of the reasons why in Canada I want to stop wishing for death.
Without a doubt, our ancestors’ feelings sleep buried deeply in our hearts. I have felt my uncle’s love of music flowing in my blood.

I wonder what experiences are waiting for me in Canada. But I have no fears, because Glenn Gould will be there. It is common knowledge that if one’s fan turned into a bit of a stalker one can go about one’s business without much fear. I can only be an object of Gould’s dislike for being a nuisance, or he could come to receive me with some friendly feelings.

“There is no way Gould will agree to meet me. But in spite that, I have to go.”
It is sad to see that people who love exquisite things, most often end up leading trivial and mediocre lives.



Translated by Saiko  


Previous page : Prologue Departure

Japanese version of this page ・81年2・ヴァンクーヴァーへ 


*************************

[PR]
# by mhara21 | 2017-06-24 19:45 | 後追い日記81年 | Comments(0)

1983 (24), Marina’s Lessons

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.

b0071688_19214162.jpg

#Marina’s Lessons

I started my lessons with Marina on September 16. Since I didn’t have enough physical strength to choose the piano as my major in the second year, and I took singing as my main subject. That is why I had 30-minute piano lessons. I chose Bach’s Prelude and Fugue BWV 852 as a number to play for my exam.
Marina listened to me playing this number till the end, and because I could not play the 16th-note tuplets she said: “Go back to legato.”
I played legato with my stiff hands clinking. However, the sound was not smooth and it didn’t settle well.

“You cannot play legato? Or you don’t know how to play it?”
“I don’t know how to play it. Is there some easy way to practice legato?”
“Actually, there is,” Marina said.

Marina sat in front of the piano, counting from 1 to 4. She would raise her wrist in time with the counting, drop it on the count of 4, when she would press the next key, and then start counting 1, 2, 3, 4 again. That was an exercise to go through an octave by lifting and dropping just one finger.

Sitting in turns with Marina in front of the piano, I learned about the position of a hand and wrist when dropped and sounds produced at that moment, as well as the difference in sounds when striking with a key with a finger. I was to take good care to play close to chromatic keys. In the end, this is what she told me.

“Let’s play Chopin’s Prelude. Bring the scores next time. Don’t use other ways for practicing but mine. I will tell you now how to do it.”
“Why can’t I play legato?”
“Because of the tension in your elbows.”

This answer surprised me. Nobody explained this to me before.
We decided to put Bach aside until the tension in my elbows eased.
I would repeat this monotonous practice throughout the week.
From time to time I would get worried whether I were doing it right or not. Anyhow, I would practice every day for two hours, twenty minutes for each finger. I used my index finger, middle finger, and my ring finger.

The day of my next lesson.

Marina was frantically prodding and pulling my elbows. Elbows without any tension, when not pressing any key, should be just like a marionette when the threads are loose. They should be relaxed so that, even when an elbow is pulled, it can invariably go back to its original position.
It felt so good when Marina would pull my motionless elbows and shake my arms, like air was entering my arms. She taught me while sitting on my right, continuously with her arms around me, and my elbow often poked her in the chest. I can say it was more like a ballet then a piano lesson.

She chose no. 20 in C minor from Chopin Preludes, and told me to practice it with a maximum return of the wrist. I was strongly impressed by the fierce black sound of Marina’s music coming from the piano. Chopin’s music was not something that attracted me since childhood, but I learned the whole Prelude by ear.

I repeated the monotonous practice relentlessly throughout another week. I exerted myself to find the most appropriate line in my arm to let good energy flow while playing the piano. It always took me 2 hours of practice to be content with my work. When I realized that the problem I had is about to be solved, warm tears of relief fell from my eyes.

By the mid October I learned to legato playing of four Chopin preludes and I memorized the music scores.
Marina’s reaction to my progress was: “When a colleague of mine told me how much her new student managed to achieve in just one month, I couldn’t believe her. Now that I’ve seen it with my own eyes, I can believe it. Except of particularly difficult pieces, you can play most of them to perfection. What have you been doing till now? Have you practiced the piano at all? Ever?”
“Sorry,” I said, “I could not play much because I was ill.”



                                                               Tranlated by Saiko


Japanese version of this page ・マリーナのレッスン83年24 へ


*************************
[PR]
# by mhara21 | 2017-06-22 19:22 | 後追い日記83年 | Comments(0)

My Life with Glenn Gould-1981 # Prologue Departure

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.

b0071688_10532186.jpg

# Prologue Departure

“Mako, take care of yourself!”
“You properly finished with the dentist, right?” 
“Mako, that’s okay if you come back home before long.”

My brother and two sisters are standing at the bullet train platform, straining to keep happy faces. They have similar smiles, similar gesticulation. As I am waving frantically to them, I can see them through the train window disappearing to the right, like a flow of contact prints. I settle down at my seat and breathe a sigh of relief. Sitting roundly next to me is my sister who is three years older than me.

Protected and loved by my family. This was my everything – everything I, a 28-year old Masako, the author of this diary, had. I am leaving Japan, the country so comfortable to live in, and going to Canada where there is almost no one I know.

From time to time, soft pink appears like markers in the windows on our left and right.
“Mr. Gould, this is Japanese national flower!”
Someday, I would love to see cherry blossoms together with Gould. This has been my dream. I am very sad I will miss out on cherry blossoms this year.
 
My life hasn’t been easy. Many of my years have been filled with days without sleep because of fevers and acute pains in my body ever since convulsions started from undetermined cause when I was eight. In addition to convulsions, I’ve suffered from polyneuritis caused by the vitamin B1 deficiency and symptoms resembling cardiac rheumatism. I am not able to take baths because temperature differences bring about convulsions. My mum and I have spent enormous amount of time and money on doctors and medical treatments.

In this suffering of mine, I found strength and support in Gould’s music. And, even when I could virtually practice no piano, Bach Partitas played by Gould had been my whole world.

When I was 15, my mum’s piano teacher suggested, “Why don’t you try to play the Goldberg Variations?”
At the time, I decided I had to make contact with Gould in one way or another, and I concentrated extreme energy and strength into practicing that music pieces. However, what a shock it was when I lost the ability to play because – due to quack treatments I was subjected to – I would lose feeling in my arms and fingers soon after starting the practice.

I am waiting to board the plane at Narita airport. As the airport is basking in the sunset, spirits from the Goldberg Variations are accompanying me. I didn’t even notice that the melody of the Variations that I’d shut out from my heart is flowing around me.

The fragrance of Spanish jasmine was drifting around us like the joy of afternoon sunlight in anticipation of moonrise. Gould’s demonic performances match well the moment of twilight (the witching hour). I wonder if what Freud called “libido” is behind my need to go to Canada.
From chest and above, I feel like a pure girl, but it feels like completely different energy is working in my legs. I often kill boredom with recognizing bouts of smells that emanate from different parts of my body.
When it comes to scents, one of my favourite poets Takuji Ōte left many poems whose main theme is the special sense of smell. I wonder if there are other poets like Takuji Ōte who were relegated to obscurity.
Takuji Ōte had often smelled the scents on his hands, and for this he had been nicknamed “the Bear”.

But, sure enough, I hear that voice.
“Okay, come out. Get well and come to my country one day. This is Canadian nature, its autumn colours, its snow. Come to my country and see the flow of its white clouds. You can hear the Goldberg here. Come and waltz with me.”
I am going to meet Glenn Gould, the person whose piano had made me forget my illnesses.

This spring, Gould was planning to start re-recording of the Goldberg Variations. This second Goldberg turned for Gould and his fans into Gould’s parting words before his departure to afterlife.

                                                               Tranlated by Saiko



Japanese version of this page ・My lLife with Glenn Gould-1981年



************

[PR]
# by mhara21 | 2017-06-18 11:03 | 後追い日記81年 | Comments(0)

1983 (12) New Teacher

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.

b0071688_23414986.jpg

New Teacher

My landlady Eileen thought that my lack of appetite and generally depressed state was to be blamed on my piano teacher.
“Mako, I will pray to God to find you a good piano teacher.”

This time, I really have to find a good piano teacher. Based on my experience so far, I created my own conditions for a teacher.
No 1, it has to be a married woman
No 2, it has to be someone who has studied how to teach legato to their students.
There is no way I would give up these two conditions.

I consulted a professor at my school about some good piano teacher. He gave me a memo with “Marina TEL 7xx-27xx” written on it.
When I called, I first reached the teacher’s husband who is a violinist. He then passed the phone to a female person.

“I do not need a piano teacher. At the moment I am preparing for the Grade 10, but in my second year I will need a teacher” I rambled wildly.

I suddenly got anxious about speaking with an unfamiliar person. Mrs. Zhou, a Taiwanese immigrant and a friend of mine whose two sons were pianists, continually complained about me not having a piano teacher, insisting I needed one. So I boosted my courage and went ahead with this conversation.

At my initial “I don’t need a piano teacher” Marina Geringas started laughing really funny.
“Are you from Japan?”
“Yes.”
“Let’s meet once, first.”
Then we arranged to meet in front of the Studio 314.

I don’t find it hard to practice the piano on my own. I prefer playing on my own than playing in panicky haste before someone without understanding while my stiff muscle clink, and my heart grows smaller and smaller. However, in order to move to the next grade, I needed to find a piano teacher and report that to the school office. I had so many things on my mind and I was still very young at the time, and I stumbled around when I talked in a way that could often leave a person in bewilderment.

I was relieved to find that Marina was a person I’d seen before, thinking how pleasant she seemed.

“Why did you quit learning the piano with Pol?”
“We got from each other all we were able to get,” I said.

“Do you plan to take ARCT after the Grade 10?” she asked.*
“No. I’m playing the piano to enrich my soul. That is why I don’t have an intention to take that exam.”
“I understand. In that case, I will teach you.”

From her appearance, I felt her to be a very accomplished and knowledgeable person. Her voice was extremely gentle, and she spoke grammatically correct English.

She was also honorable and had gone through a lot in her life. I told her my story about Gould, about how much I had been thinking of him. I also told her I always had problems with pains in half of my body (mainly in my left side, but that pain often moved to my right side too).

“My husband is a violinist in the Toronto Symphony, and he had an opportunity to visit Japan. Ever since then, his dream is to go to Japan again. We came from Russia,” she told me.

Marina had a sweet fragrance to her. Her English was excellent and sharp, and there was a suggestion of an extraordinary mind behind it. In addition, when she spoke Russian language, even native Russian speakers later said, “There is nobody who speaks such a beautiful Russian language.” I really wanted to have a person with such exquisite sense of hearing as my piano teacher. Mone’s ‘Water Lillies’, and some modern paintings hung on the walls of her studio.

I made blunders because I never dreamed we would get along so well. I was on the verge of collapsing with anxiety and pointless fears.


(*) The Canadian Royal Conservatory of Music has 1-10 grading system. Except this, there is the ARCT, which is the highest qualification similar to the final graduation.

                                      Tranlated by Saiko  


Japanese version of this page ・83年12・新しい先生



************



[PR]
# by mhara21 | 2017-06-17 23:45 | 後追い日記83年 | Comments(0)

チアーニの「Bach:パルティータ#6」に寄せて


Dino Ciani plays J.S. Bach, Partita No. 6 in E minor, BWV 830
- Live (1971)


もう1曲のバッハ
少年時代のチアーニが
バッハを弾いた後、
Dino Ciani speaks and plays Debussy - Rare Video RAI

神様再登場
・トッカータ
 素敵な演奏。テンポも適切。音の伸びも理想的。
・フーガ
 強弱の微妙についた クレッシェンド、ディミニエンドの美しい。
 神の悲嘆にくれる様子。
 ソステヌートは地球へのダメ押しのような気持ちを表している。

・アルマンド
 再び神の人間に対する感情の音を表す。

・クーラント
 「ええいッt、もうヤケクソ!!! 
  いっそのこと女でも強姦してやろうか ?」
 「女湯の覗きくらいじゃあ、おさまらない」

・Air
 グールドと正反対のヨーロピアンの解釈。
 でも、この気弱な神さまは、トボトボ街を歩くだけ。
 切ない気持ち、ため息だけは、ソプラノにしておこう。

・サラバンド
 神様「もうやだ~」@酒場
もうやだ~(悲しい顔)涙泣き顔ダッシュ(走り出す様)泣き顔泣き顔泣き顔あせあせ(飛び散る汗)泣き顔
  どなたか一緒に飲んで差し上げて。。。

・Temp do Gavotta
 夕陽新聞・隔日新聞・しんぶん青旗・汚教新聞・週刊誌「地球」 。
 各社一斉に「神様の片思い」を報道する。

・Gigue
 神様の記者会見の様子@地球人記者クラブ

〜〜〜〜〜

大好きな曲を大好きなチアーニの演奏で聴くことが出来て、
感無量の時を過ごしております。

少女の日にグレン・グールドの6番にどれだけ引き込まれたことでしょう。
32年前彼の演奏から生まれた連想は.........。

そして今日、その新たなバージョンを書くことになりました。

この曲をバトンにして皆様の幻想、空想を書いてください。


 .......ところで.......

..........この作品の作曲者は、勿論バッハ夫人でしょ?
グッド(上向き矢印)ウインク


*****************



[PR]
# by mhara21 | 2017-05-27 11:19 | エッセイ | Comments(0)

Golden Ball, 1982(37)

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.

b0071688_12133877.jpg

There is one more reason why I continued playing the piano after Gould’s death. In the winter of my sixteenth year I suffered such physical pains that I could not even take a moment’s sleep. My face, inside of my mouth and my teeth hurt most. I was being told that rheumatism had gripped my whole body or that I had trigeminal neuralgia, but what my pains actually were – they were the suffering of deceased people. I was assumed by the cries of their spirits.

Every night while I cried I would hear Bach’s Goldberg Variations Aria. Its sounds would come to me every evening at the same hour, together with some kind of a god. And then, that spiritual being told me “You will recover from your illness. When you turn 50 or 60, you will play the piano and pass something to the next generation.”

When I was seventeen I read Nietzsche’s “Thus Spoke Zarathustra”. This coincided with something that happened when I was 16. I had an experience of seeing the sun before dawn with the hermit who appears in this Nietzsche’s work. That is when I became a fan of Nietzsche’s, endeavoring in my heart to fulfill the promise I made when I was 16: “One day, surely…” I am not sure how to translate this paragraph

After Gould’s death, my guiding principle became “Zarathustra”.

“Verily, a goal had Zarathustra; he threw his ball. Now be ye friends the heirs of my goal; to you throw I the golden ball.
Best of all, do I see you, my friends, throw the golden ball! And so tarry I still a little while on the earth – pardon me for it! “ (excerpt from Zarathustra’s “Free Death”, translated by Thomas Common, Dover Publications Inc.)

For me, this “golden ball” is the very Goldberg (Variations) Aria given to me by Zarathustra at the end of my 16th year.

I wanted to know what Gould had to say about Nietzsche. In such a case it would be best to ask the said person for their opinion. However, I do not go ahead and put questions forward by myself. Even when I hear voices of deceased people, I do my best not to get involved in their conversation. Because I don’t want to be led by the nose by invisible voices.

However, I do not hesitate to say to people around me about Gould’s visits.
“Does Gould speak in English or in Japanese?”
“When I understand him, in my mind his words are in Japanese.”

“Does he ever enter your body and plays the piano?”
“Gould is a sensible person, so he doesn’t do such things.”

People react differently to this. Some exasperatedly say “Hmph!” Some give a wry smile, or make a perplexed expression.
There are some who say: “Well, you thought of him so much, something was bound to happen.”

                                                               Tranlated by Saiko
[PR]
# by mhara21 | 2017-02-28 00:00 | 後追い日記82年 | Comments(0)

Catch-up Diary 1982(36)

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.

b0071688_17242631.jpg



November

People are really egoistic things. Several months ago I thought I would be happy if only I could daily practice the piano. I got my long-coveted visa. Even that Gould spoke to me.
Even though my daily life has arranged well, I cannot sit back and relax, and my heart is crackling. Whereas I want to be somewhere within 80 percent in all I do, my way of doing things seems to be straining too hard while counting backwards from the wanted results.

I can compare myself to a person on the margins who once didn’t even have money to buy a plant pot, and who enjoyed at leisure growing her flowers from buds, planting her music seeds in an empty can and raising them in the back alley. Suddenly that person gets thrust into a music factory, working hard but restlessly on the production of music. I also feel stress due to the lack of language talent.

My bohemian troubles have gone, and it was important to get used to the student life.
The lack of humidity in Toronto is a marvel. I remember all that Japanese humidity. I am able to practice because this region is dry.

“It makes me happy when you are playing the piano. You are a good and specially person.”
“What are you crying about now? Which is a suitable prelude for this temperament? Which number do you want to play?”

I feel weird because I can talk with him so much.
I used to be very susceptible to being possessed by the spirits of others. Such life is a very hard one, so now I negate Gould’s visits. Among the spiritualists there are those who communicate their own words as if they were god’s words or words from families of the deceased people. Therefore, whatever I would hear would frighten me greatly.

                                                               Tranlated by Saiko


next Golden Ball, 1982(37)

Japanese version of Catch-up Diary 1982, (36) November へ




****************************

[PR]
# by mhara21 | 2017-02-15 00:00 | 後追い日記82年 | Comments(0)

田中希代子生誕85年・没後21年に寄せて


b0071688_00045432.jpg

緑色がお好きでいらした田中希代子さんに、
明治生まれの文豪・佐藤春夫の「田園の憂鬱」から一節をお贈ります。
写真はご主人でいらした作曲家の宍戸睦郎さんと。

〜〜〜〜〜
「何をそんなに見つめていらっしゃるの?」
彼の妻が彼に尋ねる。
「うん。あの丘だよ。あの丘なのだがね 」
「あれがどうしたの? 」
「どうもしない...... 綺麗じゃないか。何とも言えない......」
「 そうね。なんだか着物のようだわ」
この丘は渋い好みの御召の着物を着ていると、彼の妻は思っている。

それは緑色ばかりで描かれた単色画であった。
しかしこのモノクロームは、全ての優秀なそれと全く同じように、ほとんど無限な色彩をその単色の中に含ませていた。
そうして見ていれば見ているほど、その豊富が湧き出した。
一見ただの緑色の一かたまりであって、しかもそれは部分部分に応じて千差万別の緑色であった。

そうしてそれらが動かしがたい一つの色調を織りだしていた。たとえば一つの緑玉が、ただそれ自身の緑色を基調にして、しかし、それの磨かれた一つ一つの面に応じて、おのおの相異なった色と効果とを生み出しているありさまにも似ていた。
彼の瞳は、つねに喜んで その丘の上で休息をしている。
「透明な心を! 透明な心を!」   ーーー佐藤春夫「田園の憂鬱」より




***************
[PR]
# by mhara21 | 2017-02-05 00:03 | 田中希代子 | Comments(0)

October 16, 1982 (35) Conversation with Gould (part 2)

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.

b0071688_16510233.jpg

Gould: “You are a really strange person, Mako.
If I would show up before someone else, I can imagine what that person
would say.
For example, “Enter my body and play the piano, please,” or something
like that…

However, you tell me ‘I am going to my piano lesson now. Please, don’t
laugh at my lousy playing. I don’t want to be startled in the middle of
my playing.’ Neither do you say, ‘My arm hurts, could you fix it for me
please?’  That is, you are a person who finds it difficult to ask favors
from others.”

Masako: “Well, it’s just that nothing occurs to me to ask for.”

Gould, “Also, an ordinary person would ask me to help them get their
hands on a part of my vast wealth. You don’t ask for that either.”

M
asako, “I have no financial troubles. I can’t get rid of my wasteful
spending, though. That is my problem.
I am too preoccupied with my harmony lessons or history test to think
up favours to ask of you.”

G
ould, “You do have talent for piano, Mako. However, your piano tests will
end in two years. Maybe it is not a good thing to tell you now, because
you may become disillusioned, but the piano you are so wholeheartedly
practicing at the moment will not really take up a great part of your life
in the future. To make an analogy, it would be just a tip of your little finger.
You will become a woman who will actually actively try her talents in many
different areas. Furthermore, completely unintentionally, you have been
saving deceased people.

You are sacrificing you own body in order to help those souls who can’t
sort out their feelings even after their death. 
Why are you always worrying that you might get ill and not be able to go
to school?
Actually, I used to be like you. I couldn’t look at your worrying face any
longer, so I came to speak to you. To tell you, you must not trouble
yourself too much.
The young man you are now fretting over so much is not actually a good
person. However, you are saving many spirits without recognizing it
during these busy days of yours. Looking at the living from this side, I
see many things I had not been able to see before. It was better that way.
Now I know there are virtually no people who can understand you.
I am having a nice time because you are here. When I send signals or try
to speak to my friends and acquaintances, they don’t notice me. I did
believe there were such special people like you. And then I ran into you.
Someday, you will write about your spiritual meetings with me! 
I am praying for your happiness.
Life is a wonder, but there are many wonders after one dies as well.
For example, I can learn almost anything I want to know about you. I can
see images of what you did lately in Niagara, or even what your parents
did many years ago. And I can also see your future. I can see much deeper
into people’s hearts now then than when I was alive, or better to say when
my body belonged to this world. I can say I can see so deep into people’s
hearts that I get disgusted with it all. 

I feel sorry for you when I hear you moaning in pain. But you quickly
switch your thoughts from your aching body to something else. That is
why you are managing so well. I know that because, after all, I had lived
my life like that too.


M
asako, “Mr. Gould, you always say interesting things to me. Thank you.
I believe you had had a free and happy life.
Now that you’ve liberated yourself from the imprisonment of your
corporeal body, I guess you became even freer.
The souls who come to me are mostly those of people with heavy and
bitter feelings. Many of them were victims of other people’s sins and
crimes, so they are under oppression and their bodies are scarred.
There are many who committed suicide, too. When a soul comes to me,
my body convulses, it hurts, I feel nauseated, and there is absolutely
nothing good about it. I suddenly find myself hating the world, or being
unhappy and distressed. However, this happens even if there is no other
soul in me. I have a feeling I have lived 80 or 90 percent of my life in
such misery.


I wanted to tell him “If you are really with me all the time, why don’t
you hold my hand and walk with me?” but I could not feel his presence
anymore.

Maybe Gould transformed into energy that is like the splendid music
he
used to perform.

Translated by Saiko


b0071688_16523452.jpg





next Catch-up dairy November 1982 (36)

Japanese version of this page 1982年 (35)10月14日の会話





************************

[PR]
# by mhara21 | 2017-01-28 09:11 | 後追い日記82年

後追い日記1987年1月17日・日 記

b0071688_9282853.png




 
#1月17日 日 記

私は、ニューヨークの地下鉄に乗っていて、これからフルトン・マーケットに連れていくという姉と共に、時間を過ごしていた。
去年は、クリスマス・イブにニューヨークに着いて、休めないままに1月4日にはトロントに戻っているはずが、病気のため滞在を延ばしていたのである。

フルトン・マーケットというのは、ニューヨークの魚市場である。市場といってもあたりは近代的なビルディングが多く、内部もモールといった雰囲気で、魚屋さんが多い他は普通の市場とそんなに変わっていない。姉は、ここが昔マフィアの巣窟で、リーダーズ・ダイジェクトに記事として載っていた刑事達の活躍により今日のような姿に変わる事ができた、と説明してくれた。私達は、生ガキ、大貝を賞味した。その後ウインドゥショッピングをする姉に、私はついていけず、近くに座り込んで、終わるのを待っていた。

年頭にあたって想う事は、女一人カナダで生きていく重みである。トロントで精一杯学び、働く私の人生は、どう考えてみても悪いものではない。


これは、1月10日午後5時前後の私の様子である。おもしろいのは、その時の私の心と書いている1月17日の私の気持ちの違い。トロントは再び、私の生活の場になった落ち着きと希望を与えている。ニューヨークを発つ日の明け方グレン・グールドの夢を見た。私をトロントに連れて帰るのが嬉しくてたまらない様子で、その事が、私を励ましてくれている。
 
彼を慕ってトロント入りした私は、音楽家として彼が、私達に残して下さったものと共に、私の願いが叶う日のために懸命に生きていくのみである。






*********************
[PR]
# by mhara21 | 2017-01-17 00:00 | 後追い日記87年 | Comments(0)