合い言葉GG
by mhara21
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☆マサコのプロフィール
13才のときにグレン・グールドのピアノに 出会う。以来抱き続けたグールドに会うという夢を追って28才でカナダへ。後追い日記はその記録である。
属性はシャーマン。


☆ミクシに習って、ぬさんからの紹介状
不在の幻影から愛するひとを救い出し、グーグルキャッシュの中に愛のエクリチュールを刻印しつづける、GGの恋人。二人はもう触れあうことができないが故に永遠に惹き付けあうことができる、まるで恒星と惑星の関係のような、あらゆる恋人が夢見るユートピアに住むひとです。


☆このブログの本拠地は
 海峡web版  です。

グールド、並びにグールド家からのプレゼントはこちら。

 グールドのサイン入りレコード
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Dear Toshi, ..
by masako at 19:34
いつもご丁寧なブログ管理..
by mhara21 at 09:07
本日、英語版の訂正と同時..
by mhara21 at 18:30
グールドは、この間夢に現..
by grpspica at 14:15
このニーチェとピアノの写..
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My Life with Glenn Gould-1981 # Prologue Departure

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.

b0071688_10532186.jpg

# Prologue Departure

“Mako, take care of yourself!”
“You properly finished with the dentist, right?” 
“Mako, that’s okay if you come back home before long.”

My brother and two sisters are standing at the bullet train platform, straining to keep happy faces. They have similar smiles, similar gesticulation. As I am waving frantically to them, I can see them through the train window disappearing to the right, like a flow of contact prints. I settle down at my seat and breathe a sigh of relief. Sitting roundly next to me is my sister who is three years older than me.

Protected and loved by my family. This was my everything – everything I, a 28-year old Masako, the author of this diary, had. I am leaving Japan, the country so comfortable to live in, and going to Canada where there is almost no one I know.

From time to time, soft pink appears like markers in the windows on our left and right.
“Mr. Gould, this is Japanese national flower!”
Someday, I would love to see cherry blossoms together with Gould. This has been my dream. I am very sad I will miss out on cherry blossoms this year.
 
My life hasn’t been easy. Many of my years have been filled with days without sleep because of fevers and acute pains in my body ever since convulsions started from undetermined cause when I was eight. In addition to convulsions, I’ve suffered from polyneuritis caused by the vitamin B1 deficiency and symptoms resembling cardiac rheumatism. I am not able to take baths because temperature differences bring about convulsions. My mum and I have spent enormous amount of time and money on doctors and medical treatments.

In this suffering of mine, I found strength and support in Gould’s music. And, even when I could virtually practice no piano, Bach Partitas played by Gould had been my whole world.

When I was 15, my mum’s piano teacher suggested, “Why don’t you try to play the Goldberg Variations?”
At the time, I decided I had to make contact with Gould in one way or another, and I concentrated extreme energy and strength into practicing that music pieces. However, what a shock it was when I lost the ability to play because – due to quack treatments I was subjected to – I would lose feeling in my arms and fingers soon after starting the practice.

I am waiting to board the plane at Narita airport. As the airport is basking in the sunset, spirits from the Goldberg Variations are accompanying me. I didn’t even notice that the melody of the Variations that I’d shut out from my heart is flowing around me.

The fragrance of Spanish jasmine was drifting around us like the joy of afternoon sunlight in anticipation of moonrise. Gould’s demonic performances match well the moment of twilight (the witching hour). I wonder if what Freud called “libido” is behind my need to go to Canada.
From chest and above, I feel like a pure girl, but it feels like completely different energy is working in my legs. I often kill boredom with recognizing bouts of smells that emanate from different parts of my body.
When it comes to scents, one of my favourite poets Takuji Ōte left many poems whose main theme is the special sense of smell. I wonder if there are other poets like Takuji Ōte who were relegated to obscurity.
Takuji Ōte had often smelled the scents on his hands, and for this he had been nicknamed “the Bear”.

But, sure enough, I hear that voice.
“Okay, come out. Get well and come to my country one day. This is Canadian nature, its autumn colours, its snow. Come to my country and see the flow of its white clouds. You can hear the Goldberg here. Come and waltz with me.”
I am going to meet Glenn Gould, the person whose piano had made me forget my illnesses.

This spring, Gould was planning to start re-recording of the Goldberg Variations. This second Goldberg turned for Gould and his fans into Gould’s parting words before his departure to afterlife.

                                                               Tranlated by Saiko


Japanese version of this page ・My lLife with Glenn Gould-1981年



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[PR]
# by mhara21 | 2017-06-18 11:03 | 後追い日記81年 | Comments(0)

1983 (12) New Teacher

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.

b0071688_23414986.jpg

New Teacher

My landlady Eileen thought that my lack of appetite and generally depressed state was to be blamed on my piano teacher.
“Mako, I will pray to God to find you a good piano teacher.”

This time, I really have to find a good piano teacher. Based on my experience so far, I created my own conditions for a teacher.
No 1, it has to be a married woman
No 2, it has to be someone who has studied how to teach legato to their students.
There is no way I would give up these two conditions.

I consulted a professor at my school about some good piano teacher. He gave me a memo with “Marina TEL 7xx-27xx” written on it.
When I called, I first reached the teacher’s husband who is a violinist. He then passed the phone to a female person.

“I do not need a piano teacher. At the moment I am preparing for the Grade 10, but in my second year I will need a teacher” I rambled wildly.

I suddenly got anxious about speaking with an unfamiliar person. Mrs. Zhou, a Taiwanese immigrant and a friend of mine whose two sons were pianists, continually complained about me not having a piano teacher, insisting I needed one. So I boosted my courage and went ahead with this conversation.

At my initial “I don’t need a piano teacher” Marina Geringas started laughing really funny.
“Are you from Japan?”
“Yes.”
“Let’s meet once, first.”
Then we arranged to meet in front of the Studio 314.

I don’t find it hard to practice the piano on my own. I prefer playing on my own than playing in panicky haste before someone without understanding while my stiff muscle clink, and my heart grows smaller and smaller. However, in order to move to the next grade, I needed to find a piano teacher and report that to the school office. I had so many things on my mind and I was still very young at the time, and I stumbled around when I talked in a way that could often leave a person in bewilderment.

I was relieved to find that Marina was a person I’d seen before, thinking how pleasant she seemed.

“Why did you quit learning the piano with Pol?”
“We got from each other all we were able to get,” I said.

“Do you plan to take ARCT after the Grade 10?” she asked.*
“No. I’m playing the piano to enrich my soul. That is why I don’t have an intention to take that exam.”
“I understand. In that case, I will teach you.”

From her appearance, I felt her to be a very accomplished and knowledgeable person. Her voice was extremely gentle, and she spoke grammatically correct English.

She was also honorable and had gone through a lot in her life. I told her my story about Gould, about how much I had been thinking of him. I also told her I always had problems with pains in half of my body (mainly in my left side, but that pain often moved to my right side too).

“My husband is a violinist in the Toronto Symphony, and he had an opportunity to visit Japan. Ever since then, his dream is to go to Japan again. We came from Russia,” she told me.

Marina had a sweet fragrance to her. Her English was excellent and sharp, and there was a suggestion of an extraordinary mind behind it. In addition, when she spoke Russian language, even native Russian speakers later said, “There is nobody who speaks such a beautiful Russian language.” I really wanted to have a person with such exquisite sense of hearing as my piano teacher. Mone’s ‘Water Lillies’, and some modern paintings hung on the walls of her studio.

I made blunders because I never dreamed we would get along so well. I was on the verge of collapsing with anxiety and pointless fears.


(*) The Canadian Royal Conservatory of Music has 1-10 grading system. Except this, there is the ARCT, which is the highest qualification similar to the final graduation.

                                      Tranlated by Saiko  


Japanese version of this page ・83年12・新しい先生



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[PR]
# by mhara21 | 2017-06-17 23:45 | 後追い日記83年 | Comments(0)

チアーニの「Bach:パルティータ#6」に寄せて


Dino Ciani plays J.S. Bach, Partita No. 6 in E minor, BWV 830
- Live (1971)


もう1曲のバッハ
少年時代のチアーニが
バッハを弾いた後、
Dino Ciani speaks and plays Debussy - Rare Video RAI

神様再登場
・トッカータ
 素敵な演奏。テンポも適切。音の伸びも理想的。
・フーガ
 強弱の微妙についた クレッシェンド、ディミニエンドの美しい。
 神の悲嘆にくれる様子。
 ソステヌートは地球へのダメ押しのような気持ちを表している。

・アルマンド
 再び神の人間に対する感情の音を表す。

・クーラント
 「ええいッt、もうヤケクソ!!! 
  いっそのこと女でも強姦してやろうか ?」
 「女湯の覗きくらいじゃあ、おさまらない」

・Air
 グールドと正反対のヨーロピアンの解釈。
 でも、この気弱な神さまは、トボトボ街を歩くだけ。
 切ない気持ち、ため息だけは、ソプラノにしておこう。

・サラバンド
 神様「もうやだ~」@酒場
もうやだ~(悲しい顔)涙泣き顔ダッシュ(走り出す様)泣き顔泣き顔泣き顔あせあせ(飛び散る汗)泣き顔
  どなたか一緒に飲んで差し上げて。。。

・Temp do Gavotta
 夕陽新聞・隔日新聞・しんぶん青旗・汚教新聞・週刊誌「地球」 。
 各社一斉に「神様の片思い」を報道する。

・Gigue
 神様の記者会見の様子@地球人記者クラブ

〜〜〜〜〜

大好きな曲を大好きなチアーニの演奏で聴くことが出来て、
感無量の時を過ごしております。

少女の日にグレン・グールドの6番にどれだけ引き込まれたことでしょう。
32年前彼の演奏から生まれた連想は.........。

そして今日、その新たなバージョンを書くことになりました。

この曲をバトンにして皆様の幻想、空想を書いてください。


 .......ところで.......

..........この作品の作曲者は、勿論バッハ夫人でしょ?
グッド(上向き矢印)ウインク


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[PR]
# by mhara21 | 2017-05-27 11:19 | エッセイ | Comments(0)

Golden Ball, 1982(37)

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.

b0071688_12133877.jpg

There is one more reason why I continued playing the piano after Gould’s death. In the winter of my sixteenth year I suffered such physical pains that I could not even take a moment’s sleep. My face, inside of my mouth and my teeth hurt most. I was being told that rheumatism had gripped my whole body or that I had trigeminal neuralgia, but what my pains actually were – they were the suffering of deceased people. I was assumed by the cries of their spirits.

Every night while I cried I would hear Bach’s Goldberg Variations Aria. Its sounds would come to me every evening at the same hour, together with some kind of a god. And then, that spiritual being told me “You will recover from your illness. When you turn 50 or 60, you will play the piano and pass something to the next generation.”

When I was seventeen I read Nietzsche’s “Thus Spoke Zarathustra”. This coincided with something that happened when I was 16. I had an experience of seeing the sun before dawn with the hermit who appears in this Nietzsche’s work. That is when I became a fan of Nietzsche’s, endeavoring in my heart to fulfill the promise I made when I was 16: “One day, surely…” I am not sure how to translate this paragraph

After Gould’s death, my guiding principle became “Zarathustra”.

“Verily, a goal had Zarathustra; he threw his ball. Now be ye friends the heirs of my goal; to you throw I the golden ball.
Best of all, do I see you, my friends, throw the golden ball! And so tarry I still a little while on the earth – pardon me for it! “ (excerpt from Zarathustra’s “Free Death”, translated by Thomas Common, Dover Publications Inc.)

For me, this “golden ball” is the very Goldberg (Variations) Aria given to me by Zarathustra at the end of my 16th year.

I wanted to know what Gould had to say about Nietzsche. In such a case it would be best to ask the said person for their opinion. However, I do not go ahead and put questions forward by myself. Even when I hear voices of deceased people, I do my best not to get involved in their conversation. Because I don’t want to be led by the nose by invisible voices.

However, I do not hesitate to say to people around me about Gould’s visits.
“Does Gould speak in English or in Japanese?”
“When I understand him, in my mind his words are in Japanese.”

“Does he ever enter your body and plays the piano?”
“Gould is a sensible person, so he doesn’t do such things.”

People react differently to this. Some exasperatedly say “Hmph!” Some give a wry smile, or make a perplexed expression.
There are some who say: “Well, you thought of him so much, something was bound to happen.”

                                                               Tranlated by Saiko
[PR]
# by mhara21 | 2017-02-28 00:00 | 後追い日記82年 | Comments(0)

Catch-up Diary 1982(36)

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.

b0071688_17242631.jpg



November

People are really egoistic things. Several months ago I thought I would be happy if only I could daily practice the piano. I got my long-coveted visa. Even that Gould spoke to me.
Even though my daily life has arranged well, I cannot sit back and relax, and my heart is crackling. Whereas I want to be somewhere within 80 percent in all I do, my way of doing things seems to be straining too hard while counting backwards from the wanted results.

I can compare myself to a person on the margins who once didn’t even have money to buy a plant pot, and who enjoyed at leisure growing her flowers from buds, planting her music seeds in an empty can and raising them in the back alley. Suddenly that person gets thrust into a music factory, working hard but restlessly on the production of music. I also feel stress due to the lack of language talent.

My bohemian troubles have gone, and it was important to get used to the student life.
The lack of humidity in Toronto is a marvel. I remember all that Japanese humidity. I am able to practice because this region is dry.

“It makes me happy when you are playing the piano. You are a good and specially person.”
“What are you crying about now? Which is a suitable prelude for this temperament? Which number do you want to play?”

I feel weird because I can talk with him so much.
I used to be very susceptible to being possessed by the spirits of others. Such life is a very hard one, so now I negate Gould’s visits. Among the spiritualists there are those who communicate their own words as if they were god’s words or words from families of the deceased people. Therefore, whatever I would hear would frighten me greatly.

                                                               Tranlated by Saiko


next Golden Ball, 1982(37)

Japanese version of Catch-up Diary 1982, (36) November へ




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# by mhara21 | 2017-02-15 00:00 | 後追い日記82年 | Comments(0)

田中希代子生誕85年・没後21年に寄せて


b0071688_00045432.jpg

緑色がお好きでいらした田中希代子さんに、
明治生まれの文豪・佐藤春夫の「田園の憂鬱」から一節をお贈ります。
写真はご主人でいらした作曲家の宍戸睦郎さんと。

〜〜〜〜〜
「何をそんなに見つめていらっしゃるの?」
彼の妻が彼に尋ねる。
「うん。あの丘だよ。あの丘なのだがね 」
「あれがどうしたの? 」
「どうもしない...... 綺麗じゃないか。何とも言えない......」
「 そうね。なんだか着物のようだわ」
この丘は渋い好みの御召の着物を着ていると、彼の妻は思っている。

それは緑色ばかりで描かれた単色画であった。
しかしこのモノクロームは、全ての優秀なそれと全く同じように、ほとんど無限な色彩をその単色の中に含ませていた。
そうして見ていれば見ているほど、その豊富が湧き出した。
一見ただの緑色の一かたまりであって、しかもそれは部分部分に応じて千差万別の緑色であった。

そうしてそれらが動かしがたい一つの色調を織りだしていた。たとえば一つの緑玉が、ただそれ自身の緑色を基調にして、しかし、それの磨かれた一つ一つの面に応じて、おのおの相異なった色と効果とを生み出しているありさまにも似ていた。
彼の瞳は、つねに喜んで その丘の上で休息をしている。
「透明な心を! 透明な心を!」   ーーー佐藤春夫「田園の憂鬱」より




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[PR]
# by mhara21 | 2017-02-05 00:03 | 田中希代子 | Comments(0)

October 16, 1982 (35) Conversation with Gould (part 2)

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.

b0071688_16510233.jpg

Gould: “You are a really strange person, Mako.
If I would show up before someone else, I can imagine what that person
would say.
For example, “Enter my body and play the piano, please,” or something
like that…

However, you tell me ‘I am going to my piano lesson now. Please, don’t
laugh at my lousy playing. I don’t want to be startled in the middle of
my playing.’ Neither do you say, ‘My arm hurts, could you fix it for me
please?’  That is, you are a person who finds it difficult to ask favors
from others.”

Masako: “Well, it’s just that nothing occurs to me to ask for.”

Gould, “Also, an ordinary person would ask me to help them get their
hands on a part of my vast wealth. You don’t ask for that either.”

M
asako, “I have no financial troubles. I can’t get rid of my wasteful
spending, though. That is my problem.
I am too preoccupied with my harmony lessons or history test to think
up favours to ask of you.”

G
ould, “You do have talent for piano, Mako. However, your piano tests will
end in two years. Maybe it is not a good thing to tell you now, because
you may become disillusioned, but the piano you are so wholeheartedly
practicing at the moment will not really take up a great part of your life
in the future. To make an analogy, it would be just a tip of your little finger.
You will become a woman who will actually actively try her talents in many
different areas. Furthermore, completely unintentionally, you have been
saving deceased people.

You are sacrificing you own body in order to help those souls who can’t
sort out their feelings even after their death. 
Why are you always worrying that you might get ill and not be able to go
to school?
Actually, I used to be like you. I couldn’t look at your worrying face any
longer, so I came to speak to you. To tell you, you must not trouble
yourself too much.
The young man you are now fretting over so much is not actually a good
person. However, you are saving many spirits without recognizing it
during these busy days of yours. Looking at the living from this side, I
see many things I had not been able to see before. It was better that way.
Now I know there are virtually no people who can understand you.
I am having a nice time because you are here. When I send signals or try
to speak to my friends and acquaintances, they don’t notice me. I did
believe there were such special people like you. And then I ran into you.
Someday, you will write about your spiritual meetings with me! 
I am praying for your happiness.
Life is a wonder, but there are many wonders after one dies as well.
For example, I can learn almost anything I want to know about you. I can
see images of what you did lately in Niagara, or even what your parents
did many years ago. And I can also see your future. I can see much deeper
into people’s hearts now then than when I was alive, or better to say when
my body belonged to this world. I can say I can see so deep into people’s
hearts that I get disgusted with it all. 

I feel sorry for you when I hear you moaning in pain. But you quickly
switch your thoughts from your aching body to something else. That is
why you are managing so well. I know that because, after all, I had lived
my life like that too.


M
asako, “Mr. Gould, you always say interesting things to me. Thank you.
I believe you had had a free and happy life.
Now that you’ve liberated yourself from the imprisonment of your
corporeal body, I guess you became even freer.
The souls who come to me are mostly those of people with heavy and
bitter feelings. Many of them were victims of other people’s sins and
crimes, so they are under oppression and their bodies are scarred.
There are many who committed suicide, too. When a soul comes to me,
my body convulses, it hurts, I feel nauseated, and there is absolutely
nothing good about it. I suddenly find myself hating the world, or being
unhappy and distressed. However, this happens even if there is no other
soul in me. I have a feeling I have lived 80 or 90 percent of my life in
such misery.


I wanted to tell him “If you are really with me all the time, why don’t
you hold my hand and walk with me?” but I could not feel his presence
anymore.

Maybe Gould transformed into energy that is like the splendid music
he
used to perform.

Translated by Saiko


b0071688_16523452.jpg





next Catch-up dairy November 1982 (36)

Japanese version of this page 1982年 (35)10月14日の会話





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[PR]
# by mhara21 | 2017-01-28 09:11 | 後追い日記82年

後追い日記1987年1月17日・日 記

b0071688_9282853.png




 
#1月17日 日 記

私は、ニューヨークの地下鉄に乗っていて、これからフルトン・マーケットに連れていくという姉と共に、時間を過ごしていた。
去年は、クリスマス・イブにニューヨークに着いて、休めないままに1月4日にはトロントに戻っているはずが、病気のため滞在を延ばしていたのである。

フルトン・マーケットというのは、ニューヨークの魚市場である。市場といってもあたりは近代的なビルディングが多く、内部もモールといった雰囲気で、魚屋さんが多い他は普通の市場とそんなに変わっていない。姉は、ここが昔マフィアの巣窟で、リーダーズ・ダイジェクトに記事として載っていた刑事達の活躍により今日のような姿に変わる事ができた、と説明してくれた。私達は、生ガキ、大貝を賞味した。その後ウインドゥショッピングをする姉に、私はついていけず、近くに座り込んで、終わるのを待っていた。

年頭にあたって想う事は、女一人カナダで生きていく重みである。トロントで精一杯学び、働く私の人生は、どう考えてみても悪いものではない。


これは、1月10日午後5時前後の私の様子である。おもしろいのは、その時の私の心と書いている1月17日の私の気持ちの違い。トロントは再び、私の生活の場になった落ち着きと希望を与えている。ニューヨークを発つ日の明け方グレン・グールドの夢を見た。私をトロントに連れて帰るのが嬉しくてたまらない様子で、その事が、私を励ましてくれている。
 
彼を慕ってトロント入りした私は、音楽家として彼が、私達に残して下さったものと共に、私の願いが叶う日のために懸命に生きていくのみである。






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[PR]
# by mhara21 | 2017-01-17 00:00 | 後追い日記87年 | Comments(0)

後追い日記1986年23・グールド家訪問(12月1日)

2015年9月25日に同じ記事をアップしているけれど、

86年の流れのため、写真を少し違えて再度アップ。

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12月1日グールド家訪問

グールド家へのお土産には母なるフローレンスさん(グレンの実母)を賛えて大振りのカーネーションを買った。ちょうどまとめて沢山売っていたので、自分で包み直そうと思った。ハサミを借りる気もしないで手で折った花をおよそプレゼントには程遠い包みにして、いそいそとグールド家に向かった。

ベルを押すと長身の男性が現れた。
明朗で優しいつややかなおじ様だった。
「グレン・グールドも父親のラッセルさんも、人を一目見ていい人か悪い人か分かる才能があった」とヴェラ夫人はヤマハのインタビューアーに話しておられたけれど、グールド氏の柔らかな育むような視線は、苛めに耐える毎日を過ごす緊張の高い私の心には天女様のようだった。

グールド氏は、素晴しく大きな手で握手をして下さった。佳いエネルギーが私の体に入って来た。マコは自分のヤッケを渡す時、その首の辺りの汚れが彼の目に入ったかと少し気になった。そして応接間のソファーに腰を下ろすように勧めると、ご自分もマコの隣に腰掛けられた。
「今日は寒いですね。これから雪が降ると思いますか?」とお天気の挨拶をなさった。それからパリでのグールド展のパンフレットを見せて下さった。そこにはシルエットそのままが1つの詩的な自己主張をしているかのようなグールドの若き日の写真があった。マコは我を忘れて、その写真を見続けた。そして大きな声で唸ってしまった。それ程にグールドの知性と利発さがファッション誌のようによく出ている写真だった。

「私は13歳の時に初めて、息子さんのレコードを聴きました。繊細で独自のインヴェンションとシンフォニア、フェニックスの羽のようにモダンでした」
「なるほど、気に入って下さったのですね」
「はい、もうそれから毎日、息子さんを想わない日はありませんでした」
グールド氏は頷いておられた。
「病気の日々を息子を思い、息子に支えられてカナダまでいらして、今は生き生きと音楽勉強に励んでおられるご様子。これぞ私と妻が『息子の音楽』に願っていた事です。グレンの音楽を聴いた誰かの人生が、すっかり変わって欲しい」
「その通りです」
「とても嬉しいです」
「カナダでグレン・グールドが歩いた道、行き交った道を歩く時、私の気持ちの深さは,口で言い表す事ができません。今日、ここにいられるのもグールド氏のお陰です」
「そんなにカナダと息子に感謝の気持ちを持って下さってありがとう。私も勇気付けられています」

「少し昔の話をしますね・母は1920年生まれですが、1916年生まれの兄と戦前,台湾に住んでいました。日本が台湾を占領していたのです。兄妹は仲良くシュナーベルのSPでベートーヴェンのピアノソナタを聴いていました」
「あのレコード集は当時持っている人が珍しいもので、しかも非常に高価でした。遠いアジアの国で,息子が熱愛した音楽をお母様は深く尊敬していらしたのですね。なんと素敵なご両親をお持ちでしょう。今晩は私にとって特別な日です」
グールド氏は満足そうだった。
上品で教養深く,端正の一言に尽きるお父様だった。

少し遅れてヴェラ夫人が入っていらした。
卒業式の写真を見せていただいた時、4日前の私の卒業式に出席しなかった事を思い出して2人に話した。何だかびっくりしていらした。12才、小学6年生のグールドは大人臭い他の卒業生に比べて、あどけなかった。 

「私の人生は昔も今も息子さんの音楽に支えられています。カナダに来たこと、学生になったこと、子供の頃、闘病中に彼のサポートがなければ、あれだけの夢を持つことは、できなかった。グールドさんの音楽精神には、仏教に似た働きがあります。衆生をその手で救いあげるような。彼は、その自己犠牲的精神で、キリストのように十字架にかかった音楽家でいらした」
「親として、とても嬉しいです。息子が生きていたら、あなたの言葉をどんなに喜びましたことか。先程、サウスウッドの家内のピアノやら、思い出のSPの話が出ました時、私は旧宅にいるように感じました。息子は、根はとてもやさしい子でしたが、気難しかった」
「バートとグレンは、人がいい人か悪い人か見分ける直感力の鋭い人で。あなたのお話は、彼を育てたフローラが、有頂天になってしまうわ」
「息子は、自立した女性が好きでした。あなたはグールド財団からのスカラシップが得られるといいですね」

マコは、グールドの父親に逢ったことを生涯、生き甲斐として生きた。そのたおやかな物腰と穏やかな声を日々の励みにして暮らした。

マコはグールドにガールフレンドが居たかどうか聞いて見たかったが、そんな通俗的な質問をするとお里が知れると思い、黙っていた。
「もうお暇します」と言うとヴェラ夫人は「これからお茶をいれようと思っていたのに」と言われた。それから
「バート、グレンの写真にサインをしてマコに差し上げて」と促した。その写真は今は日本の家のレッスン室に飾ってある。グールドから贈られたサイン付のレコードジャケットと共に。

グールド氏は「大丈夫だからいい。」というマコを、「寒いから、バス停まで送って行く。」とおっしゃった。
車の中でグ-ルド氏の大きな背中を眺めながら、マコは、「いつかグレン・グ-ルドと一緒に車に乗りたかった夢が叶った。」と思った。
「息子さんの事を思うと、今でも泣くの。」と話した。

バス停にはもうバスが来ていた。
グ-ルド氏は発車したバスの後に車を付けると、そのバスを追いかけ、ある地点でバスを追い越した。しばらく走って、グレン・グ-ルドがスタジオを持っていた「ホリディ・イン」ホテルの近くのバスストップでマコを降ろした。


雪が降っていた。
「グ-ルドさん、色々とありがとうございました。フロリダへ楽しい旅を!!」
と手を振ってお別れした。
お2人は毎年、1月にはフロリダに行くと話しておられた。

雪降るカナダでの幸せな1日だった。



送っていただいたバス停
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 86年22・グールド家への電話(11月) へ戻る

 次 87年1月17日・日 記 へhttp://mhara21.exblog.jp/24900667/

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# by mhara21 | 2016-12-01 00:00 | 後追い日記86年 | Comments(0)

WINTER AT SIXTEEN :Visit of Zarathustra

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I was born in Himeji, Hyogo Prefecture, on September 16 , 1952, the
youngest of four children. I grew up with my parents, my mother's
parents and brother and two sisters in Akashi City where my family
moved when I was two.

It was my grandmother who had a strong influence on my life till
I became ten years old. She had graduated from Tsuda Women's
College and taught English.
She looked like a wonderful person to me as compared with my
mother, who was worn out in raising her children and also did not
seem to be hitting it off -- as even I, a child, could see -- with my
father.

My grandmother and I used to sleep together in futon at night after
she read books to me. I guess I was looked after with great care.
She let my elder sister, a primary schoolgirl then, and me listen to
the "Basic English " program while she, too, listened to English
conversation programs intently.
I remember that I came to understand a pure aura emitted from her
in her wholehearted love for learning.

She passed away in 1962. Then years after that was a period of
darkness for both my mother and me.

My family folks, as none of them were in good health, shared the
agony with one another.
I seemed to be the focus of the family members' empathy.
Born weak, I began to have more fits as years passed by.
Attacks of fever stopped me from going to school at Grade 5.

The more I suffered, the more neurotic my mother became about
the difficulties in her marriage. This bonded us closely as we tried
home treatment or therapy from every professional we knew.

My experiences were beyond description.
Like Job in the Old Testament, there were more and more difficulties,
pain and despair gnawing at my body. I barely managed to graduate
from the primary school a year later than I was supposed to.
My disappointment at not being able to attend a junior high school
made me just as neurotic as my mother was.

I was thirteen. What I was living for then was the music played by
Glenn Gould, whom I came to know about around that time and
learning English on the radio to prepare myself for meeting him one
day.

It was the summer when I was fifteen.
Coming back to Akashi after visiting a doctor in Tokyo, I was so
desperately lonely that I needed to talk to my dearest Gould.
So I thought of tape-recording Back's Goldberg Variations and sending
a copy to him, as my mother's piano instructor recommended.
What other hopes were left with me ?

The sheet music of the Goldberg Variations was bought in Tokyo
by my mother's elder brother who died in the war. He took it
back to Taiwan, but I have heard that he said he would be quite
happy to give it away to whoever could play this difficult piece.

When my mother was repatriated from Taiwan after the war,
she left the music with one of her friends as she could not take it
with her. It was sent back later with my uncle's signature on it.
In spite of the lack of interest in food and getting little sleep at night
because of the pain, I had the will power to master this music
in an amazingly short time. I was determined to get myself up
when I collapsed. I would then take a break and finally seat myself
in front of the piano.

In December that year, a shiatsu therapist told me,
"You see genius is but one remove from insanity. You might lose your
talent for playing the piano if I treated you."

With my time drawing somewhat nearer, I did not fear the possible
consequences. I had three sessions of treatment with him and did lose
the incredibly movement of my finger tips, the beautiful tone and the
"elan vital"--all along with the drastic changes in my condition such as
regaining my appetite and becoming able to sleep well.

To make things worse, I was told to go to school in April the following
year when I was supposed to be in Grade 9 (instead of Grade 10).
I could not possibly picture myself being at school ; I had been away
from the regular school curriculum for so long that I was at least five
years behind students of my age, and the classes would offer nothing
but preparations for entrance examinations for high schools.

All of these entangled with my difficulties peculiar to puberty threw me
into the abyss of despair.
My hopes and efforts were rejected, my precious treasure was taken
away all of a sudden, and the cry of my bleeding heart was ignored.
At that time, meaning of life, health or whatever else was all muddled up.
And yet, as I always looked cheerful and high-spirited, people criticized
me constantly for being "overprotected," "schoolphobe," "spoilt," etc..

Although I had already been sick in the previous year, my condition
became far worse in 1969. The facial pain and the toothaches were
particularly severe, making my life a hell on earth.
My body turned rigid --- on one side and then on the other --- every
night between twelve and two o'clock.
Feeling as though rheumatism and neuralgia were hitting me all over,
I had no choice but to rely on my extraordinary spiritual power in
enduring this excruciating pain.
I kept the room temperature unusually high because of the shivering
sensation I had. I had to change clothes as the part of my body
the pain was attacking got sweaty; but the pain did not help me stay
still and I had to keep moving around in the house during the day.
It was the state of sheer madness.


It happened for five days, starting probably on January 21.
My mother was tired out and asleep after tending me during my usual
dreadful fit.

I was all by myself, crying, as I recall, over my sense of despair that
nobody had helped me out of the attacks of the pain and that my efforts
over the years to become healthy had been totally futile.
Realizing that way under the frozen sea was another world of darkness
where I could not even see my finger tips. I felt as though heaven and
earth were crumbling down together.

I yelled out of my anguish :
"Even God cannot save me form where I am now.
How could He exist then? "

Right then, I heard the Aria from the Goldberg from far away in heaven.
With that music came a beautiful spirit who looked like a hermit.
The spirit picked me up and flew miles and miles till we reached a
mountain.
It felt like a world surrounded only by gratuitous devotion and love by
all the artists in history and their earnest admiration for beauty.

Although I was rolling all over on the bed because of the pain and not
having a snatch of sleep, part of me was completely away on the
journey with this spirit.

"You are crying now," the spirit told me, "but your illness will be cured,
and you will be playing the piano when you are fifty or sixty.
The music you will play then will have the power to always find crying
children, just like you. Those children, too, will come to know
themselves and rise. Do you understand ? It is the truth of life.
It is the world of the eternal."

The same thing happened in the same sequence, at the same time
--- around four o'clock --- and for five days.

On the last day, the spirit added, "I have been guiding you this time,
but climb up yourself next time."

We left the mountain and were still flying, this time, to see the sunrise.
As I saw the pale light of dawn coming onto the earth through the
glass window, I knew intuitively that that light was me.
This intuition flashed upon me, like lightening, for five days.

It is October 6, 1990.
I am a little puzzled because I have written, at one stretch, half of that
incident (What else could I have written if that incident was the only
thing to write about in my youth.).
Perhaps I was a child of great fortune to be able to be awakened to the
meaning of the human being as phoenix through that intense experience
at the age of sixteen.

In November, 1969, my sister and I started hand -copying sutras at an
apartment in Miyazaki City on the advice of a psychic healer who lived
there.
"It is the karma of the Itos' ancestors." she said, "that has afflicted
your life. You were born at God's will to purify their souls."

Twenty-two years later, in the fall, my mind is wrapped in various
thoughts --- Nietzsche's Zarathustra and eternal recurrence,
the teaching of The Reverend Masahisa Goi (which I came to know about
later ), my dream of going to Canada (which came true), and my still
being weak ---all like scattered clouds.

I must put down my pen now because I do not think I could write any
more.
Well, I also feel I can see in the readers' minds that my story is too
other-worldly.



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# by mhara21 | 2016-11-30 10:16 | エッセイ | Comments(0)