合い言葉GG
by mhara21
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☆マサコのプロフィール
13才のときにグレン・グールドのピアノに 出会う。以来抱き続けたグールドに会うという夢を追って28才でカナダへ。後追い日記はその記録である。
属性はシャーマン。


☆ミクシに習って、ぬさんからの紹介状
不在の幻影から愛するひとを救い出し、グーグルキャッシュの中に愛のエクリチュールを刻印しつづける、GGの恋人。二人はもう触れあうことができないが故に永遠に惹き付けあうことができる、まるで恒星と惑星の関係のような、あらゆる恋人が夢見るユートピアに住むひとです。


☆このブログの本拠地は
 海峡web版  です。

グールド、並びにグールド家からのプレゼントはこちら。

 グールドのサイン入りレコード
 もう1つのレコード
 グールドの本とそのメモ書き
 パパグールドさんのご本

☆グールドおよび後追い日記に関係のないトラックバックやコメントは削除する場合があります。
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Dear Toshi, ..
by masako at 19:34
いつもご丁寧なブログ管理..
by mhara21 at 09:07
本日、英語版の訂正と同時..
by mhara21 at 18:30
グールドは、この間夢に現..
by grpspica at 14:15
このニーチェとピアノの写..
by grpspica at 08:45
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Diary Entry 1981-18 : A Trip to Montreal

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.
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# A Trip to Montreal

I travelled to Montreal between July 1st and July 7th.
A very nice woman from the US chatted with me on a sightseeing bus.
Three women from France I met on another bus were also nice to me.
However, sightseeing was not well organised so I wasn’t impressed much with anything I saw or visited.

Today is July 7th and it is Tanabata Festival in Japan. I’m on the train back to Toronto.
A stout woman who boarded the bus in Kingston asked if she could sit next to me.
“I just had a lobster for lunch. Do you mind checking well if I have some of it stuck between my teeth,” she asked. She then leaned her head and opened her mouth wide for me to look.
I was completely dumbfounded with the request but I managed a reply, “No, I don’t see anything.”

I thought she was a Latina, but I learned she was actually an English woman traveling around Canada with her husband. So I ended up in conversation with this lady, who was about 60 years old, until we reached Union Station.

In the sense that they don’t express their true feelings, British Anglo-Saxons are equivalent to people from Kyoto in Japan.
British two-facedness, that is the difference between one’s true feelings and feelings showed publicly, come out when they say things like, “Dracula is popular because it’s British,” or, “Americans could never come up with someone like Jekyll and Hyde in their novels.”

The English lady I travelled with seemed to be an exception to this rule, though. She was rather unguarded. She was self-centred, and took everyone but the British as idiots, not only Asian people.
Yet, I guess she was kind of cute in her simplicity. She pointed with her finger, “Look, that is my husband sitting over there,” and chirped happily, “When we get to Toronto we have to meet again!”
After we got off at Union Station, her saint-like husband promptly found a porter and together they took over our huge luggage.
“I chatted with this girl all the time on the train,” the wife informed him.


This husband and his simple-hearted wife were like the union of yin and yang, male and female principles of Kannon, Buddhist deity of compassion. I stared in fascination at them. I wonder what kind of man is waiting for me in the future?

Translated by Saiko 
  



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[PR]
by mhara21 | 2017-08-18 00:00 | 後追い日記81年 | Comments(0)

後追い日記1987年8月10日・日 記

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1987年8月10日 日 記

姉とコインランドリー店にて洗濯中。
洗濯機は1台75セント。ドライヤーは1回25セントでこちらの方は何回か入れ続ける。頭はボーっとしている。あれこれこの世の身の上が、5年前と同じで全くわからない。

働こうにもVISAがない。2つの結婚斡旋所に申込みをして、何だか腹立たしい。帰り道、体も手も足もバラバラになるようで、家に着くなりベットに倒れ込んでしまった。

こういう文章では、あまりに味気ない。何か夏草のことでも書きたい。だのにまとまらない。カナダに住んで、カルチャーショックは経験した事はないし、手ひどい失恋もなかったし、人種差別もあまりなかったような気がする。今の下宿は、この6年の中では悪い方のひとつで、5月末、姉が来てくれなかったら、どんなにみじめな夏になっていただろうか?

 アーアー、ひとりは、嫌だ。
翌日、お見合いしたベトナム人はこの会を通して逢った女性では私が4人目にあたるといった。前の人々は、ウクライナ人、中国人、イラン人とさすがにトロントのお見合いらしく国際色豊かである。
彼は、人は戦争に対して何もできないと言う。果たして何もできないだろうか?戦争とは、私たちの心の内部にいつも起こっているもの。
どんな環境にいようと、自分の敵はいつも自分であり、人間は、神様と同じ世界に住んでいる瞬間は少ない。こうした乱れが・・・・。

私は、人類と自分に最高の期待を持っている。
そんな事より、私のオムコさんは、どこにいるのだろう?


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[PR]
by mhara21 | 2017-08-15 12:11 | 後追い日記87年 | Comments(0)

Diary Entry 1981-17 : The Immigration

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.

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#The Immigration

On June 23rd I went to the immigration by myself.

Someone gave me advice, “It’s different if you go together with a white person,” but I didn’t think that was necessary.
I lied quite a lot to my immigration officer.
Compared to my life in Japan where there had been no need to lie, I did a lot of lying in Canada. For example, I told her
“When I finished school (I actually don’t have any formal education), I worked as a secretary in my older sister’s law office.”
“As my sister was very busy and I was extremely competent (actually, I was totally incompetent), and as there was no one to take my place, I worked virtually without any vacation or break (actually, because of my illness I mostly slept).”

“I took a vacation, planning to travel a lot this year. I thought to travel around Canada and Europe, or maybe to go to South America, but when I came to Canada I completely fell in love with this country (the immigration officer couldn’t help cracking a smile at that).”
“So, I decided to use this opportunity and stay here for a while. I even started attending an English language school.”

“Also, many of my friends from Japan will come for sightseeing during my stay here (no one came yet, though). So that must be good for Canadian economy, right?”

I didn’t have the slightest idea about how far my mouth would go on running, but in foreign countries people generally didn’t get angry with others for talking too much.

Yet, “I am not good in English so I can’t explain well…” I go on commendably.
“Oh, you are doing quite well!”

“I also have a return ticket bought.”
And so I got a visa approved until October 3rd, the day when my plane departure was due.



The biggest problem I had with English was at the bank. I couldn’t say a thing.
Since conversation at the bank hadn’t been included in the English language radio course I had followed, I hadn’t learned any phrases used at the bank. When I went to the Dominion Bank in our neighbourhood to open a bank account, I was in such panic that I sweated all over.

In Japan I had no time even for my piano, let alone for my English.
Even if I did want to study English, doing it turned into a lofty dream like the piano. I was unwell then, with my head spinning due to seizures and I couldn’t focus on anything because the pain was really bad.

Yet, after living in Toronto for about a month, one day I noticed my pains had decreased. Though slightly, my life did become easier. Maybe it was because of humidity?

If I compared the state of autumn leaves in Toronto and Vancouver, I could immediately see the difference. In Toronto, the leaves that fell on the pavement or the ground were dry and if I kicked them they would scatter in all direction. However, in Vancouver, even if I looked at them on sunny days they looked squashed, and leaves on trees stuck together due to humidity.
Or maybe it was because of the difference in the magnetic field, because in Toronto I could feel positive energy circulating up my legs directly from the ground.

Translated by Saiko 
  




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[PR]
by mhara21 | 2017-08-13 00:24 | 後追い日記81年 | Comments(0)

Diary Entry 1981-16 : Hansa


Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.
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#Hansa

I basically needed to enrol an English language school for my visa, but I started for Hansa Language Centre near Rosedale station in earnest.
I am a person who puts all her efforts in preparations when I have tests coming, so I studied a lot.

My Danish teacher was a friendly person.
“Mako, that perpetual enigmatic Oriental smile of yours delights me. By the way, what is it in Gould that attracts you so?”
“Gould is very sexy.”

“You think that man is sexy? If that is so, then I need to change my perception of what sexy means.”

“Now, Marseilla, what have you been laughing about there? “
“Because of that talk about kissing booth from earlier. Mako actually asked questions like, ‘Where do you kiss?’ So I showed her we kiss with lips and then I just couldn’t help laughing.”

“My god, Mako, what sorts of things are you thinking about?”
“Why, in Japan, we have nothing like ‘kissing booth’ during festivals. So I was just wondering where you did that.”

“……… (Stop playing the innocent!)”

The teacher placed a finger on his lips and sent me a mental message to shut up.


Translated by Saiko 
  

Japanese version of this page・後追い日記81年16・ハンザ


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[PR]
by mhara21 | 2017-08-07 02:47 | 後追い日記81年 | Comments(0)

Diary Entry 1981-15・Caravan

Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.

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b0071688_14563333.jpeg
 This is Monica's passport in 1984.



#Caravan

Mrs Liang told me, “Caravan is starting soon. You must go and visit it!”
I made a phone call to the Caravan Board.
“Where are you located?” the person who answered asked me.
“I don’t understand the meaning of ‘located’.”
“I would like to explain to you how to reach a closest pavilion. There you can buy a passport for free access to all pavilions.”

So I started from the Odessa Pavilion.

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Caravan started as an international festival, with the purpose to encourage and promote intercultural understanding by offering a chance for visitors to hear folk songs and music instruments of immigrants from different countries, to see their traditional dances and sample various ethnic foods.

Immigrants from multi-ethnic countries had their own pavilion each. I was astonished to see how many pavilions there were from the former Yugoslavia and the former Soviet Union.
Those ethnic groups who do not have their own community centres can rent facilities like movie theatres or libraries during Caravan to set up their pavilions.
b0071688_16111425.jpeg

Going around various pavilions, I am overwhelmed by the sheer size of Toronto suburbs and natural beauty of its rich neighbourhoods.
There is a special Caravan tour bus starting from a spot in the vicinity of CN Tower, and visitors can choose between 5 routes. Each course includes a visit to different pavilions, and it is a necessary system to reach distant places. If I’d use a Caravan route bus it would be good, but then I’d not be able to visit all the pavilions I want in the limited time I would have. So, as I don’t own a car, I decide to use a regular city bus. Even finding bus routes I need is very difficult for me who has just arrived to Toronto.

That is when I had a really unpleasant experience.
The Japanese Pavilion was placed in a beautiful building of the Japanese Culture Centre. I asked them for the direction to the Riga Pavilion, but no one bothered to give me any attention. One of them even went and said, “Who the hell is this person?” I even asked some boys who were selling vegetables in front of the pavilion, but they pretended not to see me.
I guess they are busy with the preparations of their own country’s pavilion. However, I was disappointed because of their apparent lack of interest in pavilions of other countries around them.

I took a bus from Eglinton East. Showing the driver my map I asked him for directions, but he didn’t seem to know because the bus stop he told me to get off at was close to Victoria Park. I still had about two more bus stops till the Riga Pavilion.
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I met an elderly Japanese Canadian couple. While waiting for the bus I told the lady why I came from Japan and what I wanted to do in Canada.
The lady listened to me kindly and then told me things about herself.

“During the 2nd Word War the Japanese as people from an enemy country were forcefully removed to camps. When we were released after the defeat of Japan, and needed to decide where we would resettle, many of us couldn’t imagine going back to Vancouver. So, many decided to go east and create a new world for themselves there.
In Vancouver the Japanese lived bunched together, and they were easily rounded up and detained at one throw. That is why we decided to move to the east and live scattered all around.”

Looking at her beautiful face while she was telling the story in a quiet voice, I felt deeply that us newcomers could walk around Toronto today as if we owned the place thanks to the unimaginable suffering of one generation. However, I couldn’t say anything, I just listened.
The logic was that if the Japanese lived scattered instead of bunched together, and if they lived in the east where there were immigrants from many different countries, they wouldn’t be the only ones hated as enemies.

People from other cultures in Canada who led more laid-back lives saw the extreme perseverance so typical for the Japanese as a threat. I heard many similar stories during my 7-year stay in Canada, but this story that the lady so gracefully told me stayed firmly fixed in my memory.


At pavilions, we can eat simple and fast foods and different kinds of sweets.
When it comes to food, the Turkish Pavilion was exceptionally expensive.
At the Spanish Pavilion, a boy who was staring dreamily at the ingredients of paella muttered, “Where could a shellfish’s mouth be?”
His tough-looking mother answered, “Why, in your stomach, of course!”

At every pavilion people ask me, “Did you like the food? Did you have a good time? Did you eat something?” However, I always end up talking to them about Gould. Because I thought that at any time I may encounter one of Gould’s friends.

Whenever I talked about my dream of meeting Gould and playing the piano with him to people in Canada, they were all supportive. Maybe that was because here to I chose people with whom to speak with based on their looks and the atmosphere around them.
“Such a small girl, and yet dared to come alone all the way from Japan?”
“I am holding my fingers crossed for you. I pray that your dream comes true.”
With such encouragements I grew in Canada, fostering my dreams more and more.

For big fans of Caravan, this season is like a dream. They check out schedule of different shows and plan their visit efficiently to be able to visit as many pavilions as possible. Of course, the enthusiasts end up meeting each other repeatedly at different pavilions.
At one pavilion I met a girl I’d gotten to know at another pavilion. The two of us were so focused on items displayed at an exhibition, going around them, viewing them from afar and up close, that we hadn’t noticed each other until we bumped into each other with our buts.
Surprised by the impact I turned around, “Oh, you again!”
Neither of us could stop laughing for quite a while.

On June 16th, a child was born at the Liang’s house where I am staying. It is really nice to hear cries of a newborn baby in the house. Yet, more than anything else, I am concerned about the reply from Southwood.
However, there is still no reply, and I end up with cold, probably because I overtaxed myself around Caravan.

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Translated by Saiko   

Japanese version of this page・後追い日記81年15・キャラバン



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[PR]
by mhara21 | 2017-08-02 18:58 | 後追い日記81年 | Comments(0)

Diary Entry 1981-14 : My Diary June 6th, 1981


Tag: English 1981 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1982 ← Please click here.
Tag: English 1983 ← Please click here.
Other English Version ← Please click here.

b0071688_10084393.png

# My Diary of June 6th, 1981

What a day it is!
I guess the reason the house at 32 Southwood Dr appears so small is because it is surrounded by a forest-looking-like grove.
Perhaps I will get an opportunity to see Gould’s parents… With that thought I left my new home. I met an elderly man who seemed to work as a building contractor and ended up chatting with him.

Today I feel like a ray of sun that glistens over Lake Ontario. As I am sitting by the side of the lake with infatuated look on my face, a little girl asks me with real contempt, “Are you a Chinese?” She is standing there almost naked. There is also a middle-aged woman, looking at me kind of distastefully. It appears that Gould himself says, “I am of Scottish ancestry, I am an Anglo-Saxon,” I guess maybe this is a WASP residential area.

When I came back home I talked with my landlady, Mrs Liang.
“So, is Gould’s house big?”。
“Actually, it is small! There is a man who knows Gould’s father, so he will speak with him for me!”
“Wow, they must have asked themselves what kind of a crazy Japanese girl they were dealing with!”
“Well, its better than nothing”
“Is Gould rich?”
“He has four houses, so I guess he must be.”


Ah, I wonder if I managed to convey my feelings well. Next time, I have to visit them again, wearing a proper suit. I really want to get inside of that house.

At the time I was in junior high and ill, there was a pillow in the house handmade by my mother. When I couldn’t go to school, or when my body suffered in pain, or when I couldn’t sleep at night because I was worried about my future, I would hug that pillow and comfort myself playing a game of make-believe, imagining my pillow was Gould’s baby.
My heart would turn peaceful when I imagined, “This is that man’s precious child.”
What are these feelings towards Gould that I have? I wonder if it would be quite annoying for Gould to have someone think of him and have feelings for him, someone he didn’t really want to think of him and have feelings of him.

Oh, if only I could get to play the piano with him… Ah, the very thought makes my legs all wobbly.
But I already know, my mother’s words.
“There is no way a world genius would have anything to do with someone like you. This is a childish behaviour of yours that exasperates me!”
“I won’t know that unless I go and ask him!”
But, yes, I guess my mother was right.
However, I will know how things stand now that I acted on my dream and came this far.
And yet, I don’t even know what my own feelings for Gould are.


Translated by Saiko   




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[PR]
by mhara21 | 2017-08-02 10:17 | 後追い日記81年 | Comments(0)