合い言葉GG
by mhara21
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☆マサコのプロフィール
13才のときにグレン・グールドのピアノに 出会う。以来抱き続けたグールドに会うという夢を追って28才でカナダへ。後追い日記はその記録である。
属性はシャーマン。


☆ミクシに習って、ぬさんからの紹介状
不在の幻影から愛するひとを救い出し、グーグルキャッシュの中に愛のエクリチュールを刻印しつづける、GGの恋人。二人はもう触れあうことができないが故に永遠に惹き付けあうことができる、まるで恒星と惑星の関係のような、あらゆる恋人が夢見るユートピアに住むひとです。


☆このブログの本拠地は
 海峡web版  です。

グールド、並びにグールド家からのプレゼントはこちら。

 グールドのサイン入りレコード
 もう1つのレコード
 グールドの本とそのメモ書き
 パパグールドさんのご本

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カテゴリ:後追い日記81年( 53 )

Diary Entry 1981-5 The Fireplace and the Ōyama Couple

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↑The fireplace at the Oyama’s house

#The Fireplace

There were beautiful cherry trees (sakura) in Vancouver. Many of them were double-flowered. I personally prefer cherry trees bearing single blossoms.

The following day I went to a party that took place in the flurry of falling blossoms at Mr. Ōyama’s workplace at UBC (British Columbia University).


The firewood was burning brightly in the fireplace. It was glorious. The smell of the firewood was distinctly different from the smell of the flames and firewood I remembered from my childhood, when seven of us – us children, our parents and our grandma – had heated water for bath in a small hearth of our old Japanese house. The smell emanating from mixed logs of fir tree, Eucalyptus, and pine caressed warmly my face.

I went downtown and broke down a 100-dollar travel check. While at it, I also bought a paper tablecloth. I had already acquired a definite weakness for buying unnecessary things. I’ve sent it to Japan, and now a cute paper cloth with tulip pattern is slumbering as a “memento” in my desk.
 
b0071688_11545586.jpg
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In a record shop I found a record sold to commemorate the 25th anniversary since Gould’s debut.
b0071688_11552702.jpg

The joint performance with E. Schwarzkopf and a rare sonata by Scarlatti is on this record. An actress is displayed on the record jacket for dramatic effect Gould is so good at. In a jest I have learned in Canada is typical for Gould, pictures of someone’s bad attempt to look like Nietzsche and a young lad dressed in black leather jumper are also shown.
b0071688_11564710.jpg

That was actually Gould in disguise, but I hadn’t noticed it for a long time. By the look of the fingers and hands in the photos, I finally managed to figure out that was Gould fooling around.
b0071688_11573596.jpg


#Mr. and Mrs. Ōyama

“I don’t like that man. Your brother also said he got irritated when he heard Gould.”
“Could you please stop bringing that up over and over again?”

Mr. Ōyama loved Nana Mouskouri’s “Season in the Sun”, and he was always listening to it. The two of us shared a tendency towards depression.

“This man will definitely commit suicide!”
I guess he’s talking about a person from the song.

I like poetry by Sylvia Plath. It’s easier for me to understand people wish for death.

One day, Mr. Ōyama took me for an airplane ride.
The Cessna is soaring up into the sky.
And yet, we could die if Mr. Ōyama who is piloting the plane would let go of the control system.
However, we arrived safely to the San Juan Island. I ate a delicious ice cream with natural vanilla flavour.

When we came back, his wife said, “I’ve been to that island many times over, but I’ve never eaten ice cream there.”
Her words made me feel as if I did something wrong.

The nature around Vancouver is, in a word, splendid. The Ōyamas live in Barnaby city east of Vancouver. Just walking around the neighbourhood of the house in Barnaby makes me feel as if I were in a natural park.
I went to Sears and to the supermarket, making first steps towards enjoying my life in Canada. At any rate, everything is big and wide – the shops, the nature.


tranlated by Saiko   


Japanese version of this page・後追い日記81年5・暖炉&大山夫妻
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by mhara21 | 2017-06-26 00:00 | 後追い日記81年 | Comments(0)

Diary Entry 1981-4 The Ōyama Family


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#To Vancouver Via Seattle

While I am flying over the Pacific, several things from the past come to my mind.

− Thanks heaven I got well −

Even though my body is aching, my dream country Canada is right there ahead of me.
Mr. Ōyama who lives in Vancouver is meeting me at Seattle-Tacoma Airport.
After some shopping we are going by car towards the border.

We had a lot of fuss when we were entering Canada.
Since I had only a one-way ticket, an official of Chinese origin mistook me for someone who had the idea of overstaying in Canada.

“Why are you in Canada? Isn’t it strange you don’t have a return ticket.”

“Errr… I came to meet a pianist called Gould…”
I no longer feel cheerfulness that I felt while flying on the plane.

“Anyhow, you do understand you can’t come wandering to someone’s country trying to stay longer than you should, right?”

“Gould is an eccentric who doesn’t like meeting people. So, I don’t know how long I will be staying here.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said.
Then, after being hotly railed and raged at, I finally got a three-month visa approved, until the end of June.

The car is going through foreign scenery. Everything is wide and leisurely. As I thought, it’s a place without stress. I have a chance to get better and more cheerful here.

The car stops in front of the kitchen entrance to the Ōyama residence. I climb up the stairs of the service entrance. The house is nicely painted. The backyard is wide too. Mr. Ōyama’s wife has been waiting for me, together with a five-year- and a three-year old sons and Mr. Ōyama’s mother.

Ōyama’s houseView from the backyard
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View from the side street
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The front garage behind the house
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Mr. Ōyama says, “Are you maybe just imagining your body is weak?”
I think to myself, “Voilà, here we go again!” I get really hurt when people say things like that. Mrs. Ōyama has no idea about my 20-year-long struggle with illness.

“Well, if you were sick, you wouldn’t be able to come to Canada, right?” Mrs. Oyama says.
(What will she come out with next?)

Mrs. Ōyama continued, “I thought you would be a person with bigger health problems.”
I gave her a mental reply, “I’m doing my best to barely survive!”

“We were all looking forward to your arrival!”
“Thank you.”

The guest room is on the ground floor (in a semi-basement). I could see the ground and plants of the front yard from a window that is situated up close to the ceiling.

The tulips in the neighbour’s front yard are in full bloom. When I visited the neighbour’s place, they had a lot of baby-grandchildren coming over to play.

When I told the neighbour, “I love taking care of children under two years,” he jokingly replied, “Is that so? I myself love taking care of girls over 15.” I think people here are good at making jokes.

“I am going to Toronto soon to meet a pianist called Gould. But I don’t really know if he will agree to meet me.”

“It’s okay. He must have never met a person like you. I admire you coming all the way here alone. You don’t look at all like someone who had been ill for a long time.”

tranlated by Saiko



Japanese version of this page ・後追い日記81年4 ・大山家



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by mhara21 | 2017-06-25 11:32 | 後追い日記81年 | Comments(0)

Diary Entry 1981-3 Narita Airport

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Narita AirportApril 1, 1981

#Thai Air

The boarding has started. I kicked out of the chair I’d been sitting in. The lightness of my body tells me I have no misgivings about what I’m doing.

The seats have small orchid patterns. I am glad I chose Thai airport. Of all the Asian countries, I think Thailand suits me best. Not that I’d ever visited Thailand before. Nor have I ever studied Thai language. When I bought a one-way ticket to Thai airport, the price at the time was almost 200,000 yen.

The lady next to me seems nice.
“This is my first travel abroad. Where do you live?” I ask her.
“I live in New York. I was just traveling in Thailand.”

“Did you buy Thai silk?”
“Yes, I bought some silk fabrics and scarves.”

“Have you ever heard about Glenn Gould?”
“Of course! He is a marvellous pianist, right?”

“I am on my way to meet him now. I want to play the piano with him.”
“Wow! I hope your wish comes true.”

“But I think he must have many sweethearts.”
“Common, you will surely be his number one.”


Eva, who had given me complacent smiles, married several years later and left New York. I received a letter from her from Ivory Coast saying, “I wish to know how your life will turn out.”

When I remember all those long years of illness without likelihood of healing, all the troubles I’d had with all kinds of doctors and healers, meaningless days of going to school. Since childhood people had called me names like “limp sluggard”, “overprotected child”, “spoiled child”.

When medical treatments showed no results, doctors and healers said I was “a goof who doesn’t want to get well”, “a girl who wants to avoid school”, that I was “feigning illness”.


My mum had felt responsibility for giving birth to a child of weak health, believing my problems to be caused by the stress she’d been under during her pregnancy with me, when she raged against her callous husband who’d had no care for his family. Whenever my body was in pain, she would nurse me throughout the night, with feelings of penitence and deep love.

My mother who felt about music world that, “There are many phoneys in this world that are considered the mainstream” had the same gut feeling about medical world as well. Learning a lot about the horridness of medicines, she had looked for family physicians whose objective was not profiteering.
I myself also refused to be submitted to cruel medical treatments in hospitals. Avoiding secondary damages from medical treatments enabled me – even though being sickly – to follow my destiny to Canada.

About the time when the life burden I had been bearing became increasingly heavy, I learned about Gould’s music. When I was 13 I saw his portrait photo on the music album of Bach’s Inventions and electrifying thrill went through me.

b0071688_20215265.jpg
Gould has rich features, looking like someone who can manage a number of different roles, from a dashing lad to an intellectual doctor. In the portrait photos from his youth, Gould looks like a first-class actor. They say every shot of Gould a photographer would make would be good as such, captivating naturally all his poses and gestures. One of the factors of his success was his ability to use to the maximum the attractiveness of his features in photographic images.


I believe the number of admirers and lovers of Gould’s music will increase in the 21st century as well.


                      tranlated by Saiko


Japanese version of this page ・後追い日記81年3 ・成田空港




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by mhara21 | 2017-06-24 20:22 | 後追い日記81年 | Comments(0)

Diary Entry 1981-2 To Vancouver !

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# To Vancouver!

I am finally breaking away from Japan. Japanese society is oppressive, and I haven’t been able to find my place in it. I don’t perceive myself as a “Japanese”. I have never managed to “become a member of society” in this country.

And now, “This useless garbage is leaving for Canada!”
I was born in 1952, and raised in Japan. As such, I can’t even imagine the chaos of war and government oppression that once pervaded my country.


In 1998, the number of truant elementary school children in Japan rose above a hundred thousand. I went to school until the 5th grade and then I stopped attending it. But I never had problems because of the lack of schooling. This is because I never had to write a CV for a job application or a family chart and personal history for a formal marriage interview, owing to the fact that I never had to worry whether I’d be able to provide food on my table.

Even though I’m 28, I am really like a small girl. When my life turned into the fight against illness, I made a habit of withdrawing into my own world. I’d lived without facing any of the real world’s hardships、 focusing solely on my own body.

When I was 22, I was taken to madness of loosing my sight and my hearing. I was in a world of darkness, in which my whole body had been benumbed and I constantly suffered from flatulence. In my despair I even considered suicide. On windy days or before rain, my body hurt so much I’d want to die. I asked myself if there was any good from me living in this world.

The world I live in is a special world between “this world” (sag) and “the next world” (navyug). My parents left me in care of a spiritualist once, and she told me then, “With so many spirits coming to you, you will never be able to lead a life free of suffering.”

Like Prince Chagum, I myself have an experience of turning into a pure spirit and flying to spirit world. I swear the person who led me the way was the very same “Zarathustra” of Nietzsche’s.

The misery of carrying the weight of not only the suffering of people of this world, but that of people of the next world too is expressed in music of Robert Schumann. That is why I love Schumann.


I am a synaesthete, like Vladimir Nabokov. Synaesthetes are people whose senses of sight, hearing, touch, smell, taste are jumbled together. Those with such ability often have extraordinary faculty of memory. What is characteristic for synaesthetes is that their perception of time is different from other people.

Nabokov, Rimbaud, Proust, Joyce, Scriabin and Richter were all synaesthetes. When a synaesthete hears a sound, they also feel colours, shapes, scents and tactile sensations. When they feel a sound, synaesthetes can express its colour.
“I don’t like the sound of Wilhelm Backhaus’ music because it is brown.”
“I dislike Claudio Arrau’s music because it feels hot.”
I personally am quite fascinated by G major. This is because I love the temperature of pastel colours, which is neither hot nor cold, and because I don’t like sounds that remind of thick colour.

I think Nietzsche – though I do love him – would not be able to understand me. That is why I envy Nijinsky (a ballet dancer) who claimed, “I trust Nietzsche can understand me.” However, I believe Nabokov could understand me.

I wonder if Gould will really be able to accept me. I wonder if the day will come in Canada when my longtime hopes get through to him.


I am thinking about my uncle who died in the Pacific War. There are those who have to die even though they don’t want to die. My uncle, who was a geologist, was good at piano. He played Beethoven’s sonatas the morning he went to the front. He was conscripted as a civilian in military employ. He died one year and four months later when, at midnight on the 1st of April 1945, the Awa Maru that was on its way back home to Japan was attacked and sunk by an American submarine off the coast of Taiwan. He was 28 years and six months old at the time.

Both my uncle and I were born in September in the Year of the Dragon. My uncle loved music, and he left that love in this world before dying. Honouring those feelings is one of the reasons why in Canada I want to stop wishing for death.
Without a doubt, our ancestors’ feelings sleep buried deeply in our hearts. I have felt my uncle’s love of music flowing in my blood.

I wonder what experiences are waiting for me in Canada. But I have no fears, because Glenn Gould will be there. It is common knowledge that if one’s fan turned into a bit of a stalker one can go about one’s business without much fear. I can only be an object of Gould’s dislike for being a nuisance, or he could come to receive me with some friendly feelings.

“There is no way Gould will agree to meet me. But in spite that, I have to go.”
It is sad to see that people who love exquisite things, most often end up leading trivial and mediocre lives.



tranlated by Saiko


Japanese version of this page ・81年2・ヴァンクーヴァーへ 


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by mhara21 | 2017-06-24 19:45 | 後追い日記81年 | Comments(0)

My Life with Glenn Gould-1981 # Prologue Departure

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# Prologue Departure

“Mako, take care of yourself!”
“You properly finished with the dentist, right?” 
“Mako, that’s okay if you come back home before long.”

My brother and two sisters are standing at the bullet train platform, straining to keep happy faces. They have similar smiles, similar gesticulation. As I am waving frantically to them, I can see them through the train window disappearing to the right, like a flow of contact prints. I settle down at my seat and breathe a sigh of relief. Sitting roundly next to me is my sister who is three years older than me.

Protected and loved by my family. This was my everything – everything I, a 28-year old Masako, the author of this diary, had. I am leaving Japan, the country so comfortable to live in, and going to Canada where there is almost no one I know.

From time to time, soft pink appears like markers in the windows on our left and right.
“Mr. Gould, this is Japanese national flower!”
Someday, I would love to see cherry blossoms together with Gould. This has been my dream. I am very sad I will miss out on cherry blossoms this year.
 
My life hasn’t been easy. Many of my years have been filled with days without sleep because of fevers and acute pains in my body ever since convulsions started from undetermined cause when I was eight. In addition to convulsions, I’ve suffered from polyneuritis caused by the vitamin B1 deficiency and symptoms resembling cardiac rheumatism. I am not able to take baths because temperature differences bring about convulsions. My mum and I have spent enormous amount of time and money on doctors and medical treatments.

In this suffering of mine, I found strength and support in Gould’s music. And, even when I could virtually practice no piano, Bach Partitas played by Gould had been my whole world.

When I was 15, my mum’s piano teacher suggested, “Why don’t you try to play the Goldberg Variations?”
At the time, I decided I had to make contact with Gould in one way or another, and I concentrated extreme energy and strength into practicing that music pieces. However, what a shock it was when I lost the ability to play because – due to quack treatments I was subjected to – I would lose feeling in my arms and fingers soon after starting the practice.

I am waiting to board the plane at Narita airport. As the airport is basking in the sunset, spirits from the Goldberg Variations are accompanying me. I didn’t even notice that the melody of the Variations that I’d shut out from my heart is flowing around me.

The fragrance of Spanish jasmine was drifting around us like the joy of afternoon sunlight in anticipation of moonrise. Gould’s demonic performances match well the moment of twilight (the witching hour). I wonder if what Freud called “libido” is behind my need to go to Canada.
From chest and above, I feel like a pure girl, but it feels like completely different energy is working in my legs. I often kill boredom with recognizing bouts of smells that emanate from different parts of my body.
When it comes to scents, one of my favourite poets Takuji Ōte left many poems whose main theme is the special sense of smell. I wonder if there are other poets like Takuji Ōte who were relegated to obscurity.
Takuji Ōte had often smelled the scents on his hands, and for this he had been nicknamed “the Bear”.

But, sure enough, I hear that voice.
“Okay, come out. Get well and come to my country one day. This is Canadian nature, its autumn colours, its snow. Come to my country and see the flow of its white clouds. You can hear the Goldberg here. Come and waltz with me.”
I am going to meet Glenn Gould, the person whose piano had made me forget my illnesses.

This spring, Gould was planning to start re-recording of the Goldberg Variations. This second Goldberg turned for Gould and his fans into Gould’s parting words before his departure to afterlife.

                                                               tranlated by Saiko


Japanese version of this page ・My lLife with Glenn Gould-1981年



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by mhara21 | 2017-06-18 11:03 | 後追い日記81年 | Comments(0)

後追い日記81年44・カナダの暖房

後追い日記81年を1から読む

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#カナダの暖房

前の下宿から転送された郵便にクリスマスカードが数枚入っていた。カードを飾り、冷凍庫の中の冷凍食品を食べ、時々上の階のお風呂に入り、この家での最後の仕事、ハウスシッティングを楽しむ。
けちん坊のゴドウスキー家も暖房についてはきちんとしていた。
出かける前には
「この国で冬の暖房器の故障は死を意味する位大変なことだから、何かあったらすぐに連絡するように」

ベビーシッターを凍死にさせるのが怖かったのだろう。トロントでは冬の間、長時間家を離れる時も最低限の暖房はつけておくそうだ。その方が家の痛みが少なく家具にも良いとのこと。
下宿先によっては、家人が外出する昼間は、下宿人の為に暖房するのが勿体なくて、温度を下げる家主もいた。

引っ越し直前に日本から兄が電話してきた。
「もうグールドはいい加減に止めたら」
「いやよ」
久し振りの声だったが、懐かしいと思わなかった。

引っ越しの手伝いに来た梁氏が、荷を運び出す時
「行き先は家主に伝えてあるの?」
「親類の人に教えている」
「それは良かった。でないと物を盗んだとか、言われっ放しになるよ。行き先を教えて出ることは正々堂々とこの家を離れた証明になるんだ」

世の中には経験して見なければ分からない事が沢山ある。行き先を教えて出ることに重要な意味があるとは。


#81年12月のグールド 

グレン・グールドはその頃、とても忙しく仕事をしていた。手の事でピアノが全く弾けない状態から解放されると、この世での日々が短いのを知っていたかのようにフル回転。
その中のひとつに12月のラジオ朗読がある。

グールドは、夏目漱石の「草枕」を愛読し、第1章の一部を朗読している。しかしマコにそのラジオ放送のことを教えてくれる人はいなかった。
 
朗読の前にグールドは語る。
「・・・・『草枕』は、いろいろな要素を含んでいますが、特に思索と行動、無関心と義理、西洋と東洋の価値観といった対立や、“モダニズム”のはらむ危険をあつかっています。私が思うに、これは20世紀小説の最高傑作のひとつです・・・・・」
そして翌年1月、地上のグールドに一番近く接近する日がやってきた。



後追い日記82年1へ





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by mhara21 | 2006-05-28 14:28 | 後追い日記81年 | Comments(1)

後追い日記81年43・最後の日々@ゴドウスキー家

後追い日記81年を1から読む

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#ゴドウスキー家での最後の日々

マコは、雪をボーッと見ていた。生まれ育った関西地方の12月は、さざんかの白・ピンク・赤・薄紫の花が一重・八重にふんだんに咲く。

雪を描くのにまずキャンバスをピンクに塗って乾かしてから白を塗ると暖かそうな雪になる。ゴッホはアルル時代に黄色が引き立つようにあまり使わない薬をキャンバスの下塗りに使った。

歌川広重は「東海道五拾三次」の「亀山・雪晴」で雪に埋まった家の上にバラ色の空を描いている。日本が恋しい私は、ひとしきり広重の「鞠子」の雪景色の中に我身を置いた。

藍灰色の空から霏々として雪が舞い落ちる絵の中に入ってみても、雪を思わすグールドのシベリウスの演奏に雪の匂いをさがしている。一瞬の日本恋しさは、すぐに消えた。

 ---日本には帰りたくない。いいことなんか何もなかった。
日本では、精神的窮状に陥るとグールドの音楽が救護所(シェルター)、グールド音楽を酸素吸入のように吸って生きてきた。
グールドに会って、そばに生きる日を生き甲斐に頑張ってきたのだ。逢えたら、日本に帰るような生き方はしたくない。できることならカナダにズーッと暮らしていたい。

バラの香りに静かな田園の朝景色を連想するように、白一色の初めての冬は、マコの想像力を掻き立てた。
ベルベットの雪の上にラヴェンダーとカモミールとネロリの香りがあるピアノの音。あるいはゴッホの黄色の太陽を浴び、ピンクや黄色に染まる雪。埋もれつくす雪の世界は、マコの好きなシリウス(天狼星)の白が、天から降ってくるようだった。雪の下に色を探したくなる。
母から、「あなたのピンク」「あなたの黄色」と似合う色を教えられた思い出がある。なぜか大きなため息が出た。



next 81年44へ






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by mhara21 | 2006-05-27 15:46 | 後追い日記81年 | Comments(0)

後追い日記81年42・下宿探し

後追い日記81年を1から読む

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#下宿探し

厳寒の中、家を探すのは大変だった。
バス停で駅行きのバスがようやく来た時、嬉しさの余りピョンとはねた。マコは嬉しい時、ダチョウのように歩いてジャンプする癖がある。
雪氷の上で跳ねたので滑って転び、頭を打ちつけた。待合小屋で見ていた人が目を剥いていた。

世にも下品な不動産屋の夫婦に出会い、お化け屋敷のような家に男女6人が住んでいて、まだ貸し間があるというところに連れて行かれた。

1軒はサウスウッドの近くの個人広告を見て出向いた。絵のよう美しい地区。家々はしっとりと雪の中に知性高く並ぶ。広告主の喋り方はお金に細かそう。台所は取り澄ましていて簡単なスープとサンドウィッチしか作れない風情。

英語の勉強になるかしらと思ったけれど、家に辿り着いて自分の顔を見てびっくり。
慣れない空気を吸って粘膜がどうかしたのか、山程鼻くそが押し出されている。
そう言えば彼女は私の顔をまじまじ眺めていたような。辛い寒さに肌はしびれ切って感覚がなく、分からなかった。
水臭い。親切な人なら教えてくれるだろうに。気さくでない人と暮らすのは嫌だ。

それにサウスウッド近くに暮らせば、スミス家を頼る気持ちが出ないかと心配。結局オシングトンの地下鉄駅から近いのと台所が使いやすそうなので中国人の家に決めた。



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by mhara21 | 2006-05-23 11:34 | 後追い日記81年 | Comments(3)

後追い日記81年41  ・チャンス到来

後追い日記81年を1から読む

b0071688_10393955.jpg


#チャンス到来

ゴドウスキー家の人々がいなくなった。
グールドにクリスマスカードを出してやっともらったレコードのお礼を言う。
すぐに引っ越しの準備を始める。不動産屋や新聞広告を調べて次々に家を見に行く。

その合間に、夕食を作り、前の家主梁夫婦と友人を招いた。 
彼らは探検に来たようにはしゃいでいた。
梁氏は食事の時、
「僕達がマコの引っ越しの荷物を運び込んだ時、あの人は座り込んで見ていただろう? 変な人だなぁ、どうして手伝わないのかと思ったよ」
「成金趣味の奥様がそんな事するはずないでしょ。夫人はすぐあなたの事を、背の高い格好いい人は何人?と聞いたわよ。『中国人』だというと『ポマードをぬっていないし、眼鏡も掛けていない珍しい中国人で気に入った』って」

目が大きくてメガネをかけていない梁氏は、自分がけなしていた人に好感をもたれたと知ると大喜び。

東洋人の小さな目とメガネは印象深いらしい。
リサも「パパもママも私も妹も目が大きい。日本人とか中国人は眼が小さくて、見えないからメガネをかけている。マコも目が小さいから眼鏡」と言っていた。


#数字占い

日本人の知り合いも寄ってくれた。
「私はここの住所が9番地と聞いた時から病人の多い家かなと思った。9は芸術関係にはいいけれど頭を使わない人たちには、合わない数」とマコ。

「僕の家の住所番号はどうかい?」
「160は0があるから、いい番号よ。私は0は360°と解釈している。古代インドの数学者が0を見つけた。無という概念を抽象化して、『零』という数字で表わしたのは、バラモン教の数学者。
マクルーハンは、「0」が「無限」の性格を得たのは、ルネッサンス期の絵画で「遠近法」と「消失点」が盛んになった時といっているわ。
古代エジプトでは『神を冒涜する』として遠近法の使用を禁じていたそうよ。

 「0」というと「何もない」意味と「空が無限」という観念。たとえば自分の位置から物事を見ても一部しか見えないわね。でも円周を歩き回り、違う角度から見れば事柄(庭の花木でも)は全く違って受け取れるもの。私の感じる360°は、神様の視点に近い考え方が出来やすい暗示と考えているの。私自身はほとんど「0」にご縁がない。

「0」という数字で哲学を見事に打ち出したのは画家のマレーヴィチね。ニーチェより感情の少ないわかりやすい哲学。シュプレマチズムといえば私は「ツァラトゥストラ」を丸と三角形で説明出来る。

「バレーメカニック」の丸と三角形のようにね。三角形といえばトマス・マンは「ヨゼフとその兄弟たち」で突然、エジプトでの三角形の説明をしだしたり。あのヨゼフをアセンダントが乙女座の生まれと何度も強調しているでしょう。あれはきっと乙女座の主星が水星でコミュニケーションに優れていることをいっているよ。ヨゼフの口のうまさは何度も話題になっているわ。
実は私も第一宮が乙女で水星が入っているの。

グールドの占いもしてあるわ。逢えたら話せるのが楽しみ。グールドに感じる数字は「32」。昔の家が32番地。1932年生まれ。コンサートを止めたもの32才。彼に関するものを読むと32が目立つ。32は「グッドラック」「僥倖」の意味なの、なぜかは知らないけれど。ジョイスのユリシーズには「32」が全体で11回も出てくる。共感覚者は数字につよいこだわりがある訳」

「おもしろいな。僕はあの家を買う時、住所番号が気に入って決めたのだけど、親父がカナダに来て車の免許を取ったら、番号に160の並びがあるので驚いたことがある」

「私は、72や27、916や78並びに縁があるのよ」

「それじゃあ、僕と家内の相性をみてくれる?」
マコは独学独習、得意の数字占いで座を盛り上げていた。

クリスマスまではポーランド人の家政婦さん作り置きの牛タンを茹でたものを楽しんだ。料理の時からハーブのせいか夢見るような香りが漂っていた。



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by mhara21 | 2006-05-22 09:47 | 後追い日記81年 | Comments(1)

後追い日記81年40  ・奴隷生活

後追い日記81年を1から読む


#ゴドウスキー家の奴隷生活

労働は際限がなく、マコはくたびれ切ってしまった。 疲れがひどくなっていたのか、用事を言いつけられる度に何故だか「サンキュー」としか言えなくなる。
「私の言うことにいちいち「サンキュー」と言わないでよ」と言うゴドウスキー夫人にまた「サンキュー」と答えて大笑いとなる。

「shocked」という言葉も発音も「ショックテッド」とやらかして大笑い。ボーッとした頭でフキンと雑巾を一緒に洗った時は、ゴドウスキー夫人が見たら気が狂うだろうとおかしかった。

「結婚した直後は、主人の姉妹と住んでいたの。彼女達のために毎日いろいろなことをしたわ。ある日、私やり返したの。自分でしなさいって。今のマコはあの頃の私みたいよ。マコはいい人だから、世の中の人が全部自分みたいにいい人だと思っている。私がそうじゃないことを教えてあげるわ」

「アリゾナの別荘で、主人の姉妹の物が無くなった時、主人の父は私のスーツケースを開けさせて中を調べたの。一生忘れてやらないから」
(こんなことはマコの育った環境からは想像も出来ない)

「あなたまさかここからバイバイする気じゃないでしょうね」

夫婦の寝室には小さな鍵の付いた赤い皮の宝石箱があった。いつかお金持ちと結婚して鍵のついた宝石箱を持てるかしら?
後日、宝石箱はまだ必要がないので、取り敢えず鍵だけ買ってみた。 マコも充分なバカだった。

ローズマリーはマコをお客に、子供用のイスに座ってギターを弾く真似をしながら、歌を聞かせてくれる。こんな天国から来た子供達が両親そっくりのお金と遊びだけの生活を送るようになるのはすぐのこと、この人達にとって学問や芸術はただの見栄と虚栄なのだろう。

母親が家にいなければ、子供への責任を含めて私の荷は重くなる。夜は夫婦で遊びに行くことが多く、帰りは午前様である。
両親が外出すると、子供達は、ベビーシッターに挑戦するように、羽目を外し、ギロギロした目で私がどう対応するのか見ていた。

ゴドウスキー家のクリスマスは、家族揃っていつもアリゾナへ行く。
「あなたは私達がいなくなったら、死んだ様に寝るでしょうね」



next 81年41へ






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by mhara21 | 2006-05-21 10:11 | 後追い日記81年 | Comments(0)